I was doing a little shopping recently, and I happened to be in
an aisle with a young woman in a pink velour jogging suit pushing a
little girl in a small, umbrella-style stroller.
I was doing a little shopping recently, and I happened to be in an aisle with a young woman in a pink velour jogging suit pushing a little girl in a small, umbrella-style stroller. The child was clearly too large for the stroller, and her feet occasionally slipped off the foot-hold and hit the floor, causing the stroller to stall. After about the third time this happened, the mother sharply snapped at the little girl, “If you don’t stop dragging your damn little feet, I’ll cut them off!”
Are you kidding me? I was appalled by such a graphic and violent threat. This little girl was about 3! Not only was she too big for the stroller, her leg muscles were probably burning from trying to hold her feet up, which compounded the problem. The child clearly would have been better off walking.
Don’t people see that what they invest in their children is their legacy? How can we expect our children to make good and dignified decisions for us when we can’t speak for ourselves, if we teach them that they themselves are worthless? Who cares how much money you have in your retirement if your tongue can’t speak and you’re at the mercy of the children you’ve abused?
All I could think was that this woman didn’t have any foresight whatsoever. Not only is she shortsighted in regard to the verbal abuse toward her child and the inevitable residual damage, but I immediately visualized this woman, 60 years from now, being pushed in her wheelchair by this very same daughter, her old and crippled feet helplessly dragging on the floor and her daughter snapping at her with her instinctive comment, “Mom, if you don’t pick up your damn old feet, I’ll cut them off!”
I wondered if the little girl in the stroller was her only child. I wondered if that’s how the woman’s mother spoke to her when she was a child. Then I had another thought: What if this was her stepchild? In any case, what she said was wretched.
I’ve seen some instances where stepchildren are treated as less than second-class citizens, clearly defined as an unwanted nuisance. Maybe that was the case here. Either way, if this child is in her care and is a part of her family, what was she thinking? She’s supposed to be the child’s protector, not her worst nightmare.
Where is her sense of family? Where has the desire to carry on your family name with pride gone? It shouldn’t matter whether you are related by blood or by law. Family is family.
Personally, I want all of my kids, no matter how they were acquired into this family, to wear their names with dignity. I started telling my daughter at a very early age why we don’t do certain unethical things, such as littering. When she would ask why we couldn’t, I would say, “Because you are an Eden, and Edens don’t litter. Can you imagine Grandma throwing trash on the ground?” She would giggle at the ridiculous thought. I tell my stepkids the same things, only I say “Irwin” instead of “Eden.”
I want them to stand up straighter when someone asks, “Wasn’t Fred Eden your grandfather?” or “Are you John Irwin’s grandson?” I want them to confirm it with a smile and some pride. If any of my children ever hung their heads and acknowledged such a question with a lack of enthusiasm, I would be mortified! I guess I still naively assume everyone feels the way I do about their families. All I can say is that the Edens didn’t establish this kind of bond by threatening dismemberment.
If the woman in the pink jogging suit thinks her child will claim her with pride, she is so wrong. If this is how the child was treated in public, I don’t want to imagine what goes on when no one is watching. That poor little girl will probably run off and change her name at the first given opportunity. Statistically speaking, she’ll probably wind up in an abusive relationship. And someday, that little girl is going to treat her mother and her children in the only manner that she knows. What a tragic legacy.
It makes me want to thank my parents immensely for the legacy they have created, but I don’t have the words to sum it up. And I just realized that I AM thanking them, by keeping it alive.
Lydia Eden-Irwin and her husband were both raised in Gilroy. They have three kids collectively and have spent the past four years meeting the challenges of blending two broken households into one great family. Lydia can be reached at ed*****@*ol.com.
