Less than a month after his sister Katie and mother Kim were
killed in a car accident in Utah, former Gilroy resident Adam
Renville and his family are trying to figure out how they’ll get
through the rest of the holiday season without them.
”
Christmas this year is going to be strange and hard because my
mom was really big on Christmas,
”
he said.
”
Especially since my birthday is on Christmas Eve.
”
Less than a month after his sister Katie and mother Kim were killed in a car accident in Utah, former Gilroy resident Adam Renville and his family are trying to figure out how they’ll get through the rest of the holiday season without them.
“Christmas this year is going to be strange and hard because my mom was really big on Christmas,” he said. “Especially since my birthday is on Christmas Eve.”
The same sense of loss and sadness will linger in the Kusayanagi household in Hollister as that family sifts through presents and stockings without Gordon Kusayanagi. He was killed in September when a man intentionally drove into a crowd of people on the Las Vegas strip.
“It’s going to be so weird,” said his daughter, Sarah. “Especially since my dad was such a Christmas nut.”
While most people see the holidays as the “most wonderful time of the year,” for those dealing with the loss of loved ones, the season can seem daunting and depressing.
The resurfacing of holiday memories and the empty chair at the table can cause pain and a sense of hopelessness when grieving the physical and emotional loss of a family member or friend, said Bob Seymour, a licensed marriage, family and child counselor in Morgan Hill.
“The holidays are one of those times that is a memory,” he said. “We have memories of family coming together, and when there is a loss, it’s more prevalent during this time of year.”
Though the season might be difficult to get through, there are ways to make it more bearable, Seymour said. For instance, change up traditions. Hold the holiday dinner or celebration somewhere different than where it’s normally held. New memories will be created, and the void of the missing person won’t be so constant, Seymour said.
“I know people who have lost a mother or father, and this year, instead of doing the same thing, they’re going to Tahoe,” Seymour said. “You have to give yourself permission to do those sorts of things.”
While switching up traditions can create new memories, Seymour also said it’s important to honor the person who has died.
Craft an ornament for the tree or designate a candle or prayer, for example.
“I know one family that every year, they go and plant a tree at a school,” Seymour said. “This person was an educator and loved kids, so in a way, they know they’re honoring this person and producing more than just the tree itself.”
While grieving, it’s also important for people to realize that they might not feel up to their usual holiday activities, Seymour said, such as writing Christmas cards or decorating the tree. That’s OK, and other people should understand, he said.
The best way to get through the holiday season is to be realistic with yourself, Seymour said.
Feelings of sadness will surface, and it’s OK to talk about them.
“I do encourage people to talk with someone they feel comfortable with,” he said. “I also encourage those people who are going to be around to be supportive and not make the deceased person a taboo subject to talk about. Talking openly about the person will help with the healing process.”
