When Junior was a little tyke, I was determined to do everything
right. I actually believed that every toy brought into our home had
to have educational value. We couldn’t have toys that you merely
played with, for pete’s sake.
When Junior was a little tyke, I was determined to do everything right. I actually believed that every toy brought into our home had to have educational value. We couldn’t have toys that you merely played with, for pete’s sake. We had to have fancy toys from fancy stores and fancy catalogs that came with volumes of instruction and guaranteed that Junior would grow up to be a genius.
And do you know what my son played with when he was a toddler? Rocks. I’m not kidding. He liked to sit in the backyard and move rocks from one pile to another.
But I didn’t give up. I bought Mozart CDs to play for him. Supposedly the exposure to classical music would
turn Junior into Einstein. But he covered his ears and would cry his little heart out until I put Pink Floyd on. Then he’d sit, moving rocks from pile to pile, wailing along to “Comfortably Numb.” I’m still not sure if that was ironic.
Finally I gave up. I’d spent a fortune on educational toys, and one day, I realized something: My kid liked rocks and Pink Floyd. And there was nothing wrong with that. After all, I hadn’t grown up with fancy toys and classical music, unless you counted Frank Sinatra. And I’d turned OK – sort of.
So for all the moms out there who are suffering through what I like to call “educational toy-itis,” I’ve compiled a handy list of common kid toys and their educational benefits. Who needs fancy toys from fancy stores when your child can grow up with this cheap stuff from the local discount store?
1. A sandbox. Sandboxes provide decades of fun for your children. When they’re small, they simply sit in the sand and move it from their mouth to the sandbox and back again. When they’re older, you can explain beach ecology to them using the sandbox and a pail of salt water. Of course, later on, when all the cats in the neighborhood have discovered your sandbox, your child can sit for hours and study various animal habits too disgusting for a family newspaper to describe.
2. Lego. Never underestimate the power of Lego. A toddler starts out clipping a bunch of bricks together, and 10 years later, your playroom is taken over by a Lego village complete with commuter train and village idiot. And as a bonus, thanks to all the years I’ve spent hopping around like a madwoman with Lego bricks embedded in my feet, I’m still pretty limber. Lego has nothing on Yoga.
3. Rocks. Look, kids want to move stuff. And unless you want your child digging in the dirt and snacking on tasty worms, you’d better get a pile of rocks and a plastic dump truck. Playing a little Pink Floyd wouldn’t hurt, either.
4. Musical instruments. As horrifying as it sounds, kids love to play tiny pianos and drums. Just remember to invest in a really good pair of earplugs for yourself. Trust me when I say that drum sets for toddlers may be small – but they can make a huge noise.
5. Barbie and Ken. Or, if you have a boy, Action Man and Athtar, Amazon Warrior Girl. Kids love to imitate their parents and what better way than through dolls – er, action figures? Of course, if you happen to discover your child in her room with Barbie and Ken and the dolls/action figures are “wrestling,” invest in a good lock for your door. Need I say more?
6. Nerf balls. Look, you will never teach a child not to throw in the house. I should know. I’ve spent the last 10 years screaming, “DON’T THROW BALLS IN THE HOUSE.” Give up now. Buy Nerf balls and you won’t cry over spilled milk – or a broken vase. And all those years of practice tossing a football in the living room will ensure that your kid isn’t picked last for the team.
7. Toy cars. How else will children learn about our car-crazy society? More importantly, how else would they learn to make the “vroom-vroom” noise so they can sing along with Mazda commercials? If your child is playing and you hear one car screaming “you idiot” at another car, you might want to tone down the road rage. So there you have them, my cheap – but educational – toys. Oh sure, there are a few more. But so far nothing beats these, especially the pile of rocks and Pink Floyd CD.
