Junior has taken up inline skating. Oh, for years he’s tried to
skate
– but all he had to show for it were bruised knees and face
plants.
Junior has taken up inline skating. Oh, for years he’s tried to skate – but all he had to show for it were bruised knees and face plants. But about a month ago he put on a pair of skates, got up and fell down. The miracle here? He got back up. And fell down. And got back up again.
I have to admire that. Look, I got up on skates – once. That’s all it took to convince me that skating wasn’t for me – of course, neither was any other sport except shopping.
But Junior is different. For one thing, he doesn’t care if his bottom is bruised – and his isn’t nearly as cushy as mine. Pretty soon, Junior was skating fairly well. So well, that he decided it was time to skate with the big boys. Yes, he went to the skateboard park.
It was like a dream come true for Junior – whose new ambition is to become the World’s Greatest Skater. Oh, sure he spent most of the first day at the skate park on his bottom. And he was extremely upset that I was an un-cool mother and made him wear a ton of safety gear. But the weirdest thing was, on the ride home Junior talked nonstop.
And I didn’t understand a word he was saying.
I was amazed. In just one hour, my son had learned a foreign language. Now, if he could do this with say, Spanish, I’d be ecstatic. But it wasn’t Spanish, it was “Skate.” And I wasn’t sure what Junior was saying. For all I knew, Junior was insulting the heck out of me or swearing.
He wasn’t. At least, I don’t think he was. But for everyone with a little skater at home, I put together a handy-dandy skating glossary. Now we’ll all know when we’re being insulted and when to just chill.
Dude – Everyone is a “dude.” I’m a dude. You’re a dude. Junior’s 80-year old great-grandmother is a dude.
Beef – “Dude, I totally beefed.” At first, this confused me. What did this mean? Were they discussing dinner? Or maybe insulting vegetarians? Not really. Turns out, if you “beef” you fall down. Go figure.
Whacked – “Dude, that was totally whacked that you beefed it.” This one took me a long time to figure out. All the big kids at the skate park said “whacked” like it was a really bad, potty mouth word. But it isn’t a swear word – at least I don’t think it is. It’s more of a universal word that evokes sympathy and camaraderie. Or maybe it’s just a potty mouth word.
Grinding – “Dude, don’t beef it when we do some grinding.” Grinding is sliding on a bar. It requires a lot of skill – and it should require several layers of padding if you want grandchildren.
Bashing – “Dude, let’s bash after we grind!”
Basically, this involves a completely idiotic trick of going down a staircase while wearing your skates. This is best done outdoors and while wearing a helmet.
Skitching – “Dude, let’s skitch across the parking lot!” This is also a completely idiotic trick. Only this time, skaters hang onto the back of a car and allow it to pull them along for a ride.
So there you have a small sample of Junior’s new language. I’d explain more, but I have to take Junior to the park so he can bomb a hill and bust some moves. I mean, he’s going to skate down the hill and do some tricks. At least, that’s what I think it means.
