I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone about this, but this year,
with a couple weeks after the holidays behind us, I’ve noticed an
alarming development at our house: the toys have a mind of their
own.
I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone about this, but this year, with a couple weeks after the holidays behind us, I’ve noticed an alarming development at our house: the toys have a mind of their own. The remote control cars and micro pets are no longer content sitting there, waiting until someone wanders over and plays with them. Noooooo. They’ve decided to take matters into their own hands. You see, the minute no one is paying attention, one will have an urge to shoot itself across the living room floor. Or roll into the kitchen. Or even, I suspect, open the refrigerator and make a sandwich. Yes, I’m as shocked as you are.
At first, I admit, this was rather alarming. There I was, innocently sitting on the sofa watching a television when all of a sudden Sponge Bob Square Pants broke out into song and a miniature jeep drove by.
But that’s not what really worries me. What really worries me is that toys are not only wandering around freely, but on top of that they are intimidating the other household appliances. One evening my son turned on his model train set and the volume on the television mysteriously shut off. Just how do you explain THAT, I ask you?
OK, OK, even a person like me knows that there must be some kind of logical explanation. But after I crossed off Chucky and Poltergeists and black magic from my list, I was out of theories. So I did what any wise, intelligent person would do: I sought a second opinion. Preferably from someone who doesn’t think I’m crazy.
“Say,” I said to my family one night during dinner, “has anyone noticed that the toys are, well, moving around by themselves?” I gave a nervous little laugh.
“Of course, they are,” my husband said. “They’re on the same frequency.”
Much to my relief, he went on to explain that there are several bazillion different frequencies swirling all around in the air. So it follows that the chance of any one thing being on the same one are simply astronomical.
But this year, for some reason, the entire toy industry – are you ready for this – chose the exact same one. Coincidence? I think not.
In fact, I know exactly what happened. I bet way back in March, all of the big-wig toy CEO’s were gathered around the water cooler at the Annual National Toy Conference when, out of boredom or spite or whatever, someone said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be a funny little joke if this year we put every electronic toy in the world on, say, the same frequency? Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Unlikely as this seems, it sure would explain a lot. Like, for instance, the call I received from my friend Shirley.
“I haven’t told anyone this,” she hissed into the phone, “but every time I turn on the dishwasher a toy airplane flies by.”
“Really?” I said.
“Yeah, and when my son turns on his walkie-talkies I don’t know whether the stereo is going to come on, the dryer will buzz or the garage door will slam shut,” she said her voice rising in pitch. “It’s like my house is possessed or something.”
So I launched into my theory about the matching frequencies and the toy conference and the meeting at the water cooler and all that. When I was through, there was a long silence.
“That’s ridiculous,” she finally said.
Of course she’s right. It’s probably nothing more than a big coincidence. In fact, that’s the only sane and reasonable explanation. And I would’ve told her that, too, but I had to hang up quickly.
Because, you see, my husband had turned on the coffee maker and, call it serendipity, call it happenstance, call it what you will, but a large radio control fire engine and a dancing Santa were heading my way.
Debbie Farmer’s column appears every Monday.
