At the end of the year, I like to look back and wave goodbye to
all the stuff that happened. Yes, I’m usually drinking champagne
when I do that. Anyway, it occurred to me that this year was
actually the end of the first 10 years of the new millennium. So I
thought I’d wave goodbye to all of them with you. You need to
provide your own champagne.
At the end of the year, I like to look back and wave goodbye to all the stuff that happened. Yes, I’m usually drinking champagne when I do that. Anyway, it occurred to me that this year was actually the end of the first 10 years of the new millennium. So I thought I’d wave goodbye to all of them with you. You need to provide your own champagne.
2000: The world discovered that the Y2K problem was really more of a Y2Dud. Sadly, many of us had hangovers from discovering just exactly what it was like to party like it’s 1999. In the Sontag house, Junior was 4. I miss 4. At that age, they don’t sass and they still think you might be smart.
2001: The 9/11 attacks occurred. I don’t think America has been the same since and it still makes me sad. Junior started kindergarten, thus beginning the long journey in which he learns that I’m not that smart. Oh, and the first Harry Potter movie debuted.
2002: East Timor became a new nation, prompting people to try to discover just where the heck it is. Junior entered first grade and we quickly realized that the money we were saving for college would be better spent on a vacation. Oh, and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets became a box-office hit.
2003: Baghdad fell to U.S. troops and North Korea continued to prove that when they signed a peace accord with South Korea in 2000, they crossed their fingers behind their backs. Junior entered second grade. We took a vacation. There was no Harry Potter movie this year, so we all made do with the “Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” which starred a really cute elf.
2004: The Summer Olympics took place in Athens, Greece. Thanks to the miracle of the Internet, the world discovered that athletes in the original Olympics competed naked. The world was unsure of whether they wanted that custom to return. Junior entered third grade and made a diorama of Flat Stanley. Thanks to the miracle of the Internet, Harry and I were able to confirm that a diorama is, indeed, Flat Stanley in a shoebox. Also, there was a third Harry Potter movie this year.
2005: The tsunami in Asia devastated countries and killed way too many people. Junior entered the fourth grade and sadly, we got to take another vacation. We were treated to another Harry Potter movie and discovered why Darth Vader turned evil in “Revenge of the Sith.”
2006: North Korea continued to prove that they didn’t mean what they signed. Junior entered fifth grade, suddenly got a clue and made us regret all those vacations. There was no Harry Potter movie, but Johnny Depp proved entertaining in “Pirates of the Caribbean” along with the much lusted-after elf from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy.
2007: There were lots of world events involving bombs, detainees and an actual adult who called himself “Scooter.” Junior entered middle school and was introduced to “projects,” which I believe is super-secret teacher code for “giving the parents something to do.” At the movies, there were more pirates and Potter.
2008: Art thieves stole a bunch of priceless paintings and then left two in the backseat of an unlocked car. Junior entered seventh grade and decided that shaving nearly all his hair off was a good idea. He spent the second half of 2008 complaining while it grew back out. At the movies, Indiana Jones showed us that old geezers can still hunt for treasure.
2009: Captain Sully taught the world how to land a plane. Junior entered eighth grade and his grades confirmed he has brains in his head instead of pudding, which was strongly suspected in the fourth grade. There is a sixth Harry Potter movie, but the big news is some movie about a girl and her vampire boyfriend, causing teen girls to swoon and parents to wonder why their daughters were going crazy over an undead guy who wore glitter body paint.
2010: BP spilled way too much oil in the Gulf. Instead of apologizing, the head of BP complained about missing his sailing time. Sadly, nobody makes him sail headfirst into the Gulf, something I would’ve paid to watch. Junior entered high school, which made me feel old, sad and giddy with freedom. Another Harry Potter movie came out, because how could the decade end without Harry?
Happy New Year! I mean, happy new decade!
