A foundation in Britain recently released a study that found
that playing loud music while driving could cause accidents.
A foundation in Britain recently released a study that found that playing loud music while driving could cause accidents. Duh. Is it just me, or hasn’t everyone had a near run-in with a fire truck while listening to Bon Jovi too loud? But, strangely, this study doesn’t warn you about Bon Jovi. No, this study warns you about Richard Wagner’s ”Ride of the
Valkyries.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s not what’s playing in my car. In fact, I took an informal poll and that’s not what’s playing in the cars of any of my family and friends. I guess we just aren’t big fans of operas featuring large-boned women with blond braids and metal hats with pointy horns on them.
What is playing in our cars, though, could be even more dangerous. Because in 3 out of 5 cars in my poll, Sesame Street’s Greatest Hits was playing. And believe me, that’s more dangerous than any opera – even one with ugly hats.
Now the reason isn’t because of the rousing overtures or crashing crescendos (even though I really don’t know what those are and just used words I found in the dictionary in a vain attempt to impress my readers). No, the reason is because you cannot hear Sesame Street’s Greatest Hits just once. You can’t even hear it just twice. You will hear Sesame Street’s Greatest Hits approximately 3,500 times – more if you have multiple children.
And that is why it’s more dangerous than a bunch of Valkyries, no matter what they are wearing. Because after listening to ”C is for Cookie” as rendered by the endearingly tone-deaf Cookie Monster for the 1,285th time, you will go insane. The voices in your head will start telling you to take your family-sized SUV and attack any car on the road that is not playing ”C is for Cookie.”
As you can see, Wagner has nothing on Cookie Monster.
I also found it strange that the study didn’t mention teenagers. Anyone who has – or has been – a teenager knows that teens cannot play music at normal hearing levels. They must play everything loud. And, according to my insurance agent, teenagers have (and I quote), ”lots of accidents.”
I can’t believe that the people who did this study missed the correlation between teenagers, loud music and accidents. I mean, if I can find scientific proof with one phone call –what the heck are these British scientists thinking? Maybe it was the Valkyrie thing that threw them off. To be honest, I haven’t heard that much Wagner blasting out of teenager’s cars. But I believe this is a valid scientific conclusion that was completely overlooked.
The news from this study wasn’t all bad. It also noted five songs that you should play while you are driving – quietly, of course. One was Norah Jones‚ ”Come Away with Me.” I love this song. But I’m afraid. Look, if I can only listen to five songs – and quietly at that – for the rest of my life while driving, won’t I fall asleep at the wheel out of sheer boredom? And how many accidents will that cause?
So I guess the answer lies with us. We need to use good judgment while driving and listening to tunes. And we should probably only listen to ”Ride of the Valkyries” in our own homes.
And, just to be safe, we should be especially vigilant for carloads of teenagers dressed in blond braided wigs and horned hats who are listening to ”C is for Cookie” at ear shattering levels. Because that’s just an accident waiting to happen.
