The Western White House, Crawdord, Texas
PREZ: OK. Let’s get this briefing started. What’s on the agenda
today?
The Western White House, Crawdord, Texas
PREZ: OK. Let’s get this briefing started. What’s on the agenda today?
FBI CHIEF: Well sir, Item One is this terrorist group that’s been hanging around for a while now, Al Qaida. They’re the guys who bombed the World Trade Center a few years ago, wrecked the parking lot, killed a few people. They’re a pretty nasty group and we’re thinking maybe we ought to get proactive there.
PREZ: What have we got on them?
FBI CHIEF: Well, we’ve got reports that the head guy, Osama something, really wants to hurt us, and he’s filthy rich so he can afford to finance some serious stuff.
PREZ: That’s not much to go on; I don’t see us doing anything specific on the strength of a rich guy who hates us.
FBI CHIEF: Umm, there’s a bit more. We’ve gotten a few reports that there may be Al Qaida cells inside the United States making plans.
PREZ: Well, I’m not going to commit to action just because somebody’s making obscure plans. Lots of people do that.
FBI CHIEF: Well sir, this Osama guy used to run a huge construction company, knows a lot about buildings. And one of our agents thinks some Al Qaida guys are going to flight schools. And our boys at NORAD have been working out this war game for the past two years based on terrorists hijacking airplanes and crashing them into buildings because apparently they think that could happen — I dunno, seems like maybe…..
PREZ: So do you have a time and date and address for these attacks? Have we intercepted any communications saying exactly, precisely what they’re going to do? Without chapter and verse I just don’t see what I could possibly do, so let’s move on — next item?
DIRECTOR OF CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE: Item Two is Iraq, sir. As you know, Saddam is a rich guy who really hates us.
PREZ: Yes, yes, I’m sensing a real threat here — we may have to take action right away. Tell me more.
DCI: Well, there’s this guy, Ahmed Chalabi; he’s an Iraqi exile living in London, and he’s been doing everything he can think of for the past 10 years to get us to help him overthrow Saddam. He wants to run the county himself. He’s been telling us about big stockpiles of chemical and biological and nuclear weapons that Saddam is planning to use on us. And that’s been confirmed by a dozen or so other informants. The only problem is….
PREZ: What? I don’t see a problem; what’s the problem?
DCI: Well sir, just about everybody who tells us this kind of stuff works for Chalabi.
PREZ: So? That’s no reason not to believe everything they say. Do we have any photos?
DCI: None that can’t be explained as something else.
PREZ: Captured documents talking about these weapons or Saddam’s intentions?
DCI: None that we can be sure aren’t forged.
PREZ: Well, it’s good enough intelligence for me, I’m convinced. Are we supposed to wait until we get solid, specific information? We don’t need chapter and verse to figure out what’s going on. Besides, God told me that my mission is to liberate the peoples of the world from oppression everywhere. Isn’t it obvious? Everyone knows God spoke to Moses from a burning bush, and my name is Bush. Coincidence? I think not. Trust me, when God’s in your fan club you don’t need intelligence.
DCI: And do we tell the public that we’re launching a war because God told you to?
PREZ: Yeah, right, like they’d go for that. No way; let’s talk up that stuff about the weapons.
