It’s been more than 18 years since I penned my first column for this newspaper. The response from readers has been phenomenal; I’ve hardly ever made a trip to the store without running into someone who wants to talk to me about their pet. Because of this, I’ve never had a shortage of topics. We’ve talked everything from dermatitis to dementia, indigestion to insecurity, even laryngitis, lick-sores and leptospirosis. Your letters have fueled my fire and made this column easy to write. And I’ll always be grateful for that.
I answered almost every message I ever received. But some letters and emails never appeared in my column because … well … they were a little “off the wall.” For fun, here are a few examples of these unusual questions (along with how I might have responded).
Q: Our dog just growled at the mailman. He’s never done this before. Could he have distemper? (No, but your mailman might have a problem if you don’t keep your pooch confined.)
Q: Our cat got really drunk on catnip last night. Do cats get hangovers? (Rumpy-the-Cat never mentioned it to me. But then again, I never asked him.)
Q: What will happen if our dog tries to mate with a skunk that is in our yard? (You don’t really want to know, do you?)
Q: How do I get my cat to quit purring while I take a nap? He’s too loud. (Purring too loud? You gotta be kidding. Hug that kitty and get some earplugs!)
Q: Our dog’s breath is really bad tonight. Is it safe to give him one of my breath mints? (No, but if his breath is that bad, ask him if he’s been snacking on cat poop out in the backyard.)
Q: How can I teach my cat to cover up his doo-doo in the litter box? I guess he’s just lazy, but it really bothers me. (Can’t help you, but if you figure out an answer, let me know and I’ll try it with our little Janie.)
Q: Vet school sounds like a lot of fun. Where do I go to become a veterinary (sic). (UC Davis has a great vet school, but they don’t advertise on matchbook covers or magazines)
Q: My neighbor says he’s going to sue me if my cat poops in his yard. Can he do that? (My understanding is that in California, your neighbor can sue you just for having a cat. Better keep your kitty indoors. He’ll live longer and you’ll save on attorney’s fees.)
There were also a few questions for which I couldn’t find an answer. Here are two unanswerable examples that left me speechless.
Q: I’m worried my macaw parrot will hear me talking with my boyfriend and tell my husband about us. If I cover his cage with a heavy blanket will that muffle our voices enough?
Q: Can my girl dog get pregnant if she messes around? Should I get her spaded (sic)?
But now, the time has come for me to go in a different direction. This is my final column talking with you about pets – at least for now. This means I’m going to give this “job” to someone else. Several local veterinarians are interested in taking over and talking about pets. I know them all, and I know any of them will be an excellent source of information. I only hope they realize this is more than just a newspaper column. You have made me feel as though we are a family. When I wrote about the antics of Pebbles-the-Bulldog and Rumpy-the-Cat, we laughed together. A few years ago, I described the painful moments when I had to euthanize Pebbles. Your response was overwhelming, your cards and letters heartwarming. Pet owners are incredible people. And I’ve found out over the years just how lucky I am to have been a small part of this hallowed profession.
So I finish with wonderful memories and one request. If you see me at the local grocery or hardware store, stop to say hello. If you hear a good animal story, send it to me. I love good stories. And I’ll sign off this time the same way I did for so many years on television and radio. “Give your pets a hug.” Do it for me and for your favorite furry or feathered friend. And I look forward to seeing you again sometime …
