Though the South Valley is less than two hours from San
Francisco, one of the gay capitals of the world, the local gay
community is virtually silent even though June is Gay Pride
Month.
Though the South Valley is less than two hours from San Francisco, one of the gay capitals of the world, the local gay community is virtually silent even though June is Gay Pride Month.
The guy that bags your groceries or the woman behind the counter at the bank may be gay, but you’d never know it. The police officer, the teacher, the executive – anyone of them could be gay, but only their closest friends or family may know. Why? Because they’re scared to come out in the South Valley.
Several gay South Valley residents were willing to talk about what it’s like to be living in this area, but most didn’t want their names published. They worried about what would happen at work, if their kids would be teased or if they would fall victim to violence if they came out. But a few people were willing to talk about what it’s like to be gay and living in this area. These are their points of view.
Susan Lucas, 45, San Martin
Q: Are you in a relationship? Where do you meet other members of the gay community in the South Valley?
A: “I’ve been with my life partner, Tammy, for about six and a half years now. We used to work together, which is how we met, but it’s definitely a problem meeting other gay people. It’s always been a problem. Anyone else in the area I knew who was gay either kept it very quiet or they left. It took me 20 years to find out that a bunch of kids I’d gone to school with were gay and now living in Santa Cruz.”
Q: Do your coworkers know that you’re gay? How do they handle that information?
A: “I’m on disability right now, but when I was working, my co-workers all knew. No one really treated it as a big deal – it was just something that was out there. For some of them, I was the first openly gay person they’d met, so it was nice to be able to educate them and change some of their attitudes.”
Q: Have you ever been out around town and heard anti-gay comments?
A: “I remember a few years ago when there was a proposition on the ballot about defining marriage as between a man and a woman. There were signs all over this town, everywhere, saying to vote yes and support that definition of marriage. I never saw a single sign that said to vote no.”
Q: Do you think the South Valley is gay-friendly?
A: “Let’s put it this way: I came out in 1992 in Virginia Beach, Va., which is the south and the hometown of Pat Robertson, one of the most anti-gay people out there, because it was easier coming out there than it was coming out here. If you look at the response this community has had to the new Islamic center that’s going to be built, you can see the ultra-conservative and downright bigoted attitudes that still exist here. Bigotry like that covers a lot of territory, including sexual orientation. There’s no feeling of safety if you come out in this area.”
Q: What do you want people to know about the gay community in the South Valley?
A: “As hard as it is being gay in this area and as imperfect as it is, it’s still my home. I’ve chosen to raise my kids here because I love the South Valley. It’s gotten better since I was growing up here. The schools have Gay Straight Alliance clubs and so I certainly have high hopes for this area. As long as the thoughts and attitudes of our younger generations continue to change, there’s hope for the future.”
Leo Ferreira, 21, Gilroy
Q: Are you in a relationship? Where do you meet other members of the gay community in the South Valley?
A: “Yes, I’ve been in a relationship for about four years. You only meet other people here through other locals. If you don’t know someone in the gay community it’s going to be hard because there’s not a lot happening here.”
Q: Do your coworkers know that you’re gay? How do they handle that information?
A: “Yes, they know. I think in the very beginning they weren’t sure and they tried to figure it out, but it didn’t take long. I’m very open about it. After they saw that I’m so open, a few of them were curious and had a few questions, but no one really cared very much. I’ve been out since I was 14, and in all that time I’ve really only lost two friends because they couldn’t handle that I’m gay, and that was when I first came out.”
Q: Have you ever been out around town and heard anti-gay comments?
A: “The only place I ever really felt like I should kind of keep to myself was at Gilroy High School. That’s the only place I’ve ever been uncomfortable. Other than that, I don’t think I’ve ever heard an anti-gay comment directed at me around here, but then I guess it’s not like I walk down the street blurting out, ‘I’m gay!'”
Q: Do you think the South Valley is gay-friendly?
A: “I think it’s fairly gay-friendly. Morgan Hill is better than Gilroy, but I think Gilroy is slowly getting there. There are so many new people moving into town, I think it changes some of the overall attitudes here. I also think younger people are more accepting than some of the old-time Gilroy people. Having said that, though, I work in a bank and some of those old-time Gilroy people come in and you’d think they’d have a problem with me because they know I’m gay and in a relationship. But they don’t have any problems. We talk while I work, and if anything I get a more curious vibe than a bad or antagonistic vibe.
“I actually think that the hardest part about being gay in the South Valley is dealing with family. It’s hardest coming out to your family, especially in some cultures, like Latin families. For myself, I felt like I could tell pretty much the whole world and they would accept me, but I was so scared that my family would find out. It was scary to tell them because you worry that they won’t love you any more or they won’t accept you or want you around. I think a lot of people don’t want to be out in this area because they’re afraid of their family finding out and getting upset and then they lose the people that mean the most.”
Q: What do you want people to know about the gay community in the South Valley?
A: “People should be themselves. A lot of people are scared to be gay and out, but they shouldn’t be. And people should be allowed to be themselves. I don’t think people in this area should judge a book by its cover and just say there’s something wrong with someone who’s gay. Everyone has had that experience of being judged by someone who doesn’t even know them and it’s terrible. I think if people would get to know each other in general – it doesn’t even have to be a gay issue – impressions would change and there wouldn’t be so many misconceptions.”
Zuleima Gonzalez, 17, Gilroy
Q: Are you in a relationship? Where do you meet other members of the gay community in the South Valley?
A: “Yes, I’ve been in a relationship for a year and eight months. I meet a lot of people through school, and a lot of people find me because everyone knows I’m a lesbian, so they come and start talking to me.”
Q: Do people at school know that you’re gay? How do they handle that information?
A: “All my friends at school know and half my family knows. Some of my family members are not really accepting of the idea, so I’m not really comfortable with them knowing. They may know, but if they do it’s not because I told them. Otherwise, I’m open about it. I don’t want someone to be my friend for a while and then find out I’m a lesbian and get disgusted by that and not want to be my friend. But, I’d say almost everyone handles it really well. No one’s ever made a really big deal out of it.”
Q: Have you ever been out around town and heard anti-gay comments?
A: “Sometimes I’ll be walking around school and some people will just yell, ‘Lesbian!’ but that’s about it. It’s nothing big. Sometimes I’ll get a lot of stares, especially when I’m with my girlfriend, but I really don’t pay attention to it. It’s my life, so whatever. I’m not the only person who gets stared at by ignorant people.”
Q: Do you think the South Valley is gay-friendly?
A: “It’s kind of an in-between place. I know a lot people around town that don’t mind and don’t care if who’s gay and who isn’t, but then there are a lot of older people who just clearly don’t accept the idea that people in this area are gay.”
Q: What do you want people to know about the gay community in the South Valley?
A: “This – being gay – is not a choice, so for other people to judge is not OK. It’s especially bad if you don’t even know the people you’re judging. Those people should try to understand who we are as people, not as a label. People just need to stop discriminating in general.
“For people in this area who are in the closet, it’s OK to come out and be comfortable with yourself. I understand you don’t want to be hurt by those people who are out there that think gay people are bad, but accept who you are and be proud to be gay.”
