If you celebrate Christmas and woke up this morning to find that
your stocking packed full of presents doesn’t include what you
really wanted
– I guarantee you will still have a better holiday than Tiger
Woods.
If you celebrate Christmas and woke up this morning to find that your stocking packed full of presents doesn’t include what you really wanted – I guarantee you will still have a better holiday than Tiger Woods.
And furthermore, at least your gifts this year won’t include a smashed up sport utility vehicle, tabloid stories revealing intimate details of your infidelities and lost endorsements.
If they do, shame on you.
As you begin to pack the car and head to a relatives’ house to continue your festive celebration, it may be a good idea to be prepared with some ice-breaker or party-picker-upper jokes just in case the conversation becomes too dull.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Santa stops after three ho’s.
It’s that easy – and topical.
The subject of infidelity and divorce are no laughing matters. Let’s be clear on that.
But who knew that golf jokes could be so funny. And Tiger set himself up for this barrage the moment he went outside of his marriage.
The jokes hit the airwaves right away, whether it was through text, mass e-mails or late-night talk shows, you had heard at least one Tiger joke within a week of his car accident.
And with the news of alleged mistress after alleged mistress, the jokes just kept rolling in.
So, I give you the Top 10 Tiger jokes of the past month.
The punch lines range in subjects from his admitted transgressions to the infamous accident night and whether or not his wife Elin hit him a couple times with a golf club.
Use them to brighten up your holiday or cut them out and save them in your wallet for a rainy day. Either way, laugh it up. Some of these are pretty good.
Drumroll please:
10. Tiger’s recent transgressions remind us golfers that some days, course conditions suggest that it’s best to keep the wood in the bag.
9. Tiger drives well in the fairway but does not fare well in the driveway.
8. What were Tiger and his wife doing out at 2:20 a.m.? They went clubbing.
7. Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”
6. So, Tiger hit a fire hydrant and a tree? Guess he couldn’t decide between an iron and a wood.
5. Ping has a new set of irons called Elins. They’re clubs you can beat Tiger with.
4. Did you hear Nike’s new motto? Just do me.
3. Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
2. Why did Tiger Woods’ wife use the 9 iron to break the rear window? Because she hated the driver.
1. What do Tiger Woods and a plumber have in common? Neither knows how to cover his butt.
Merry Christmas everyone. Enjoy your holiday.
