Recently, Harry and I decided to do something we’ve never done.
We decided to throw caution to the wind, take the plunge
– and go on vacation with Junior.
Recently, Harry and I decided to do something we’ve never done. We decided to throw caution to the wind, take the plunge – and go on vacation with Junior.
Look, taking a child on vacation is risky. You’re far from home. You’re together for an extremely long amount of time and – this is the hardest part – you’re all sharing one bathroom.
If the close quarters aren’t bad enough, there’s always packing. In the olden days, before Junior, Harry and I could just pick up and go at a moment’s notice. There were Saturday mornings where we would awaken, toss some stuff into a bag and go away for the weekend.
But once you have a child, you can’t do that. Because packing to go on vacation with a child is like preparing for the Invasion of Normandy. You need to be precise, you need to be thorough, and you need to get all your kid’s junk into a suitcase.
It isn’t nearly as easy as it sounds.
For one thing, if you are traveling by plane, you need to have a carry-on filled to the brim with stuff that will amuse your child.
You see, after about 15 minutes of turning the lights on and off, lowering and raising the tray, whipping the seat back into the knees of the person behind you, flushing the toilet several times to see the blue stuff swirl around and constantly buzzing the flight attendant, a long plane ride gets boring.
And that’s why a smart mom figures out a way to fit the entire contents of a child’s room into an airline-approved carry-on.
I think it goes without saying that I’m not a smart mom. I have, however, come up with a foolproof packing list, adaptable for any child.
For a plane trip no longer than five hours, you need 10 Game Boy games, a Game Boy, three game magazines, two never-read “Captain Underpants” books, four puzzle books, two Mega Man or Barbie figurines, a miniature version of “Battleship,” a drawing book, a package of 24 crayons and a mini-DVD player with three new movies.
Now, it’s a well-known fact that food soothes the savage beast – and there are no beasts so savage as a hungry child trapped in a flying tube at 35,000 feet.
So your second carry-on should contain five small boxes of soymilk, nine juice boxes, a carton of granola bars, six Rice Krispie treats, cheese sticks, chocolate pudding cups, a plastic baggie of trail mix, some leftover Halloween candy, a large bag of Chex mix, and four tubes of Pringles.
Oh, and a package of Tums – those are for you. You see, your child will not share the wondrous bounty you so generously provided for him. Instead, you get to eat
the airline cuisine.
All that can keep your child busy for at least an hour. After that, I recommend that you put on puppet shows with the peanut bags and hope like heck the pilot doesn’t have an eject button for your seats.
Now, unfortunately, airlines have silly rules about the amount and weight of your actual luggage. This is not good.
Because you need to have lots of suitcases when you travel with a child. And they had better be filled to the max with useful stuff. Oh, I’m not talking about clean underwear. I’m talking about stuff to play with on vacation.
For example, if you are going on a beach vacation, you need to fill your largest suitcase with sand toys, including a bucket, a full set of sand castle molds, three shovels, a carrying container with breathable holes for the sand crabs your child will insist on taking home as pets, a boogie board, a mask and snorkel, a pair of fins, and 45 SPF sunblock.
If you are going to the snow, I recommend a snowman-building kit, snowshoes, skis, poles, boots, hand warmers, a snowball scooper, a collapsible cooler for the snow your child will take home as a souvenir, flavored syrups to make real “snow” cones, and a large bottle of brandy – that’s for you to warm up since you won’t be able to fit your mittens, gloves or coat into the suitcase.
If you’re lucky – and very few of us parents are – you can manage to squeeze in a change of underwear and a toothbrush for yourself. But you know, a family vacation is something you never forget – even if you wear the same pair of underwear for an entire week.
