I predicted I would be a loser in the Beat the Queen competition
at the Garlic Festival, but I never predicted I would be a sore
loser.
No, I didn’t burn my face off.
Instead I got hosed by what looks to be indisputable video
evidence that 2006 Garlic Queen Sheena Torres
– an incredibly nice and intelligent young woman who was as
gracious in victory as I am bitter in defeat – was not holding her
skillet during the third and decisive challenge.
Also with this story, a video of photo gallery.
For more videos, photos and stories, scroll to the bottom of this story.
I predicted I would be a loser in the Beat the Queen competition at the Garlic Festival, but I never predicted I would be a sore loser.
No, I didn’t burn my face off.
Instead I got hosed by what looks to be indisputable video evidence that 2006 Garlic Queen Sheena Torres – an incredibly nice and intelligent young woman who was as gracious in victory as I am bitter in defeat – was not holding her skillet during the third and decisive challenge.
We split the first two contests in the three-part series that would give the winner a golden garlic bulb that dates back almost three decades. I won the rock climbing competition by a hair after pulling off a Cliffhanger-esque one-handed grab to stay atop the wall. She braided circles around me with garlic bulbs. The tie breaker was a flame-off in Gourmet Alley.
After one of the cooks gave me a 30-second tutorial, which was remarkably concise and accurate in breaking down the technique, I stepped up to the grill and prepared for the hair on my head and arms to be singed away (much like this column will do to the good will that I’ve built up over the last year).
Against all odds, I remained unscathed when I poured the calamari into the oil and that sucker almost burned the house. I assumed my opponent did the same. Of course, when you’ve got a six-foot flame in your face you tend to lose perspective on what’s going on around you.
Following a vote that was closer than expected – I heard several cooks say it was a tie before her instructor asked, “You guys want to work here next year?” – the golden bulb was given to Ms. Torres and I walked away pleased with my effort.
Within minutes, though, people started coming up to me to say the Garlic Queen had a severe competitive advantage. A corked bat? A loaded deck? Dare I say, HGH?
No, it turns out as I later saw on video replay, she was not holding the panhandle when her flame took off. She was simply pouring in the calamari as her guide, who, I admit, didn’t seem to give her the opportunity to take charge, started shaking the skillet.
She did take over the grill later in the challenge, but by that time we were merely tossing in seasoning and preparing food that was surely going to be tossed in the trash.
I demand justice. What that is exactly, I’m not sure.
Am I being a whiner? Maybe. Am I losing readers with this article? Probably. Am I standing up for the rights of all men at Garlic Festival 2008? You bet your (bleep).
Peter Ciccarelli, the festival’s head of public relations, arranged this competition, but may have let something slip when he first informed me of Beat the Queen 2008.
“They told me, ‘Josh must go down, and he must go down hard,’ ” Ciccarelli recalled when talking about what the festival’s board of directors said after giving approval for the event. Garlic Fest President Ed Struzik may have even let the conspiracy cat out of the bag when he introduced me as Chris for the first event. I didn’t bother correcting him. I had a wall to climb.
But when someone else did, he replied, “Oh, Josh. Not that it matters.”
Indeed it didn’t, sir.
So I ask you, loyal readers, examine the film. Watch the hands. Tell me what you think. Was I robbed?
As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “An injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere.”
