A casual look back at what went wrong this week in sports.
In an effort to show that China isn’t focused solely on knee-capping Tibetan monks and poisoning U.S. children with toys, the Beijing Olympics reached a “high point” Wednesday (sorry, we’re contractually obligated to make this pun) by lighting the torch on Mt. Everest. (Sorry, again.)
The climbers then passed the torch amongst themselves before saying things such as “We are on top of the world!” and “One World, One Dream.”
Ironically, these slogans were taken from fortune cookies. You know, the kind that never tell you your fortune.
THE GREAT ZITO
It’s a sad song that won’t seem to end.
Wednesday’s five-inning outing in which the seven year, $126-million dollar man known as Barry Zito picked up his seventh loss in as many starts this season for the San Francisco Giants, is now being viewed as an improvement. You hear that, losing to the lowly Pittsburgh Pirates by a score of 3-1 is turning the corner.
Zito is still on the hook for roughly $110 million and the team isn’t likely to eat the contract, so the Giants are handcuffed and will have to continue throwing him to the wolves once every five days.
Batters get theme music when they approach the plate; maybe it’s time they do the same for pitchers on their way off the mound.
The most obvious hook: Wild horses, couldn’t drag Zi-to away.
SPYGATE
Matt Walsh, a former employee of the New England Patriots, turned over eight tapes to the NFL Thursday in what is apparently, hopefully, likely and thankfully the end of SpyGate.
The tapes revealed little from the juicy department. There was no recording of the Super Bowl walk-through with the St. Louis Rams, and the only thing that seemed even remotely interesting was the Pats TiVo’ed signals from the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship game.
They forced three turnovers in that game, which would probably equal another slap on the wrist from the NFL if Kordell Stewart wasn’t the quarterback that day.
Casual Friday was hoping for videotape that really explained the Patriots’ dynasty, something that was really intriguing – perhaps a how-to on those lavish cut-off sweatshirts Belichick adorns.
BUZZER BEATERS
It’s amazing how difficult clock management can be in the last five seconds of a quarter. Nevermind the ticker watchers got the rest of Monday’s NBA playoff game between Detroit and Orlando right, they screwed up royally when it mattered most (see Chauncey Billups’ phantom 3-pointer as time expired in the third quarter). The Pistons went on to win 100-93.
That’s not the worst of it. The referees weren’t able to overturn the shot because, by rule, video review cannot be used to determine when a play started. Officials counted Billups’ shot good with .5 seconds remaining – close enough right?
MVP
Remember when Kobe Bryant asked to be traded less than a year ago? Remember when he called Los Angeles Lakers’ owner Jerry Buss an idiot? Remember when he verbally attacked teammate Andrew Bynum – a YouTube classic, or when he got booed at Staples Center earlier this season?
If there’s anything crazier than Kobe Bryant being named NBA Most Valuable Player this week, send Casual Friday an e-mail – not so fast Orlando fans.
OZZIE GUILLEN
Casual Friday can’t possibly say anything new about Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen that Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen hasn’t already said.
His most recent profanity-laced tirade, not to be confused with his previous profanity-laced tirade, was well-timed in that it kicked off a week of White Sox news – an impressive feat for a team that is second in Chicago and 3-7 in their last 10 games.
Last weekend, we had the nude blowup doll fiasco in the clubhouse, which was an apparent attempt to break the ChiSox from their most recent hapless stretch – a “slumpbuster” of sorts.
Then, on Thursday, we were delivered this gem: White Sox players Nick Swisher, Bobby Jenks, Toby Hall and John Danks will sport pink-colored facial hair in support of Mother’s Day and to raise awareness of breast cancer.
Oh, so you mean the nude-blowup-doll-in-the-clubhouse bit wasn’t your Mother’s Day gift?
