I was recently contacted online by a close friend that I haven’t
seen in 25 years. We made plans to get together, but I’m worried
about meeting with him.
Q:
I was recently contacted online by a close friend that I haven’t seen in 25 years. We made plans to get together, but I’m worried about meeting with him.
“Steve” is at the top of his game. He got an early career boost from a celebrity and became a highly successful motivational speaker. He’s been married for almost 30 years and has four kids.
My life is the complete opposite. I never married, and my career ended after the 9/11 attacks. Then my mother developed a terminal illness, and my father became senile. I went bankrupt, lost my home, and am now destitute.
At the age of 50, I’m working two jobs, sleeping at a friend’s house, and fending off depression. I am very ashamed of my situation. What on earth can I say when Steve asks how I’m doing?
A:
Although your feelings are understandable, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should feel proud of yourself for holding down two jobs and keeping it together during difficult times.
Remember that Steve’s success doesn’t make him a better person. If he was faced with your life circumstances, he might not cope as well. And even though things seem to be going smoothly, he may have problems that are not apparent on the surface.
If you want to avoid giving Steve a detailed personal history, just provide a short and simple summary. For example: “Frankly, the past few years have been pretty tough. But the good news is that I’m employed, I have supportive friends, and I’m working towards a better future.”
Then shift the focus to him: “Being a motivational speaker must be interesting. What do you enjoy about it?” Or, “Tell me about your family. What are all your kids doing?” If Steve is a talker, he may happily take over the conversation.
On the other hand, you might find that you want to share some of your story. If Steve is a true friend, he won’t be judgmental. And if he’s judgmental, then he’s not a true friend.
Q:
I work for a micromanager who creates a lot of confusion and keeps everyone walking on egg shells.
The majority of employees won’t stand up to her, but I’m willing to speak up and have even complained in writing.
I recently received a bad performance review and have been threatened with dismissal if I don’t start meeting my goals. How should I respond to this?
A:
If you can afford to lose your paycheck, then respond however you please. But if you need this job, stop complaining about your boss and start focusing on your objectives. Otherwise, you’ll probably be fired.
If you have a bad manager, that’s unfortunate. But if she has the power to end your employment, you must learn to get along with her. Just consider it a survival skill.
