I have a question that I need to have answered. Oh, it’s not
something really important
– like obtaining world peace or where old socks go to die. But
still, it’s a question that I need to have answered.
Why is it that when I look my absolute worst
– and I’m talking really, really awful – that I can go to the
store for one stinking gallon of milk and run into every single
person I have met in my entire life?
I have a question that I need to have answered. Oh, it’s not something really important – like obtaining world peace or where old socks go to die. But still, it’s a question that I need to have answered.
Why is it that when I look my absolute worst – and I’m talking really, really awful – that I can go to the store for one stinking gallon of milk and run into every single person I have met in my entire life?
Really, I can go to the grocery store dressed in a new outfit that’s actually fashionable, have makeup on and hair that is not only dry, it’s also freshly cut, colored and styled and not see one person I know. But the minute I step into the grocery store dressed in sweats, no makeup and hair that hasn’t seen a shampoo and rinse in the last 24 hours, let alone a cut or color in months, I see people I haven’t seen since I was 2 years old.
Why the heck is that? I mean, call me paranoid, but I’m seriously starting to think that people from my past lurk in Nob Hill, waiting to pounce on me when I’m in full slob mode.
Okay, maybe it’s not paranoia; maybe it’s the Law of Averages. I mean, much as I hate to admit it, I look sloppy much more often than I actually look, well, not sloppy. Okay, the truth is I rarely look “not sloppy.”
In my defense, I have a number of fashion factors working against me. First, I come from a long line of fashion victims. My family tree is filled with cousins who mismatch clothing and have mascara application issues. But I thought this gene had bypassed me. Seriously. There was actually a time in my life when I didn’t leave the house without makeup.
And then Junior came along.
I really believe my sloppy self came alive when I became a mom. Before then, I cared about how I looked. I wore clothes that weren’t stained. I wore makeup on a regular basis. I even did my hair every day. But once Junior came along, all that stopped.
Look, after being up most of the night with diaper changes and frequent feedings, I didn’t care what I looked like. Heck, my eyes were so blurred from lack of sleep that I couldn’t even see what I looked like. And to be honest, I was lucky to have time in the morning to shower – let alone get dressed in clean clothes. And believe me, at that time, makeup and blow-dried hair were luxuries.
Of course, now that my baby is a grown up boy of eight, I have a bit more time. But it seems like I always have to go to the store when I’m at my sloppiest. Take last weekend, for example. I was out in the rainy weather, working in the yard. I was covered in mud and snail goo. There were leaves and sticks stuck in my hair.
And we were out of milk.
Now, with a growing boy in the house, we can’t run out of milk. For one thing, it’s all Junior will drink. It’s true. Junior is the only child on earth who doesn’t like soda or juice. I can honestly say that my son will have incredibly strong bones – but when we run out of milk, the planet may stop spinning if I don’t immediately run to the store for more.
Which is what I did. While I was smeared in mud and covered in snail goo. And that’s why I ran into three people I hadn’t seen in years.
Now I ask you, where were those people two weeks ago when I was showered, shampooed and dressed in my new faux Uggs while I wandered the aisles for nearly 45 minutes? Where were they? Were they out in their gardens, covered in muck and afraid to go to the store for fear that I would see them?
On the other hand – maybe I am paranoid. And just to prove it, I’m going to the store dressed in my sloppiest. It’ll be nice to see some old friends.
