Is it just me or has the shopping around here gotten really,
really good? Look, I have very mixed feelings about Gilroy’s
growth.
Is it just me or has the shopping around here gotten really, really good? Look, I have very mixed feelings about Gilroy’s growth. I love our small town. But I have to be honest here. I also really, really love Pier One Imports.
And a while ago, I learned that something else was coming to Gilroy. Something I never, ever thought would come to our little town and stay. And frankly, it’s going to be a problem for me.
Yes, Krispy Kreme is coming to Gilroy.
Have I not suffered enough? Have I not struggled enough to get my butt to shrink? Is it not enough that I have to go through months and months of eating pork rinds – which, by the way, is the most disgusting food on the planet – just to lose a couple of lousy pounds? And now Krispy Kreme is coming here to live. With me. Where I can’t get away from them.
Oh sure, they have them at Nob Hill. But I have a system to avoid them. I never go into the bakery section. Okay, that’s a lie. Sometimes I go into the bakery section and I drool on the glass. But just a little – don’t worry.
And then, after gazing longingly at the heavenly trays of glazed delights, I make my way down to the pork rind aisle. Only once have I broken down and begged for a jelly-filled doughnut. Okay, okay. Maybe twice. Or three times, I’m not sure. All that sugary goodness blocks my memory.
So it’s not fair to have an entire Krispy Kreme store come to town and point me down the path to carbohydrate heaven. How am I supposed to resist? What happens when that ”Hot Doughnuts Now” sign lights up? How am I supposed to avoid that?
Sure, I could try. I could just go along my merry way. But what if someday I’m at Target or Pier One and I’m innocently shopping and suddenly that light goes on? It’s a disaster waiting to happen. And I know what the result will be. Fat pants. Oh, please. Everyone has fat pants. They’re that pair of pants that you hope will always be too big. And then one day, poof! The fat pants suddenly fit. And that’s the day you know you have to start eating pork rinds and sugar-free Jell-O until the fat pants are too big again.
Well, I can just say ”hello, fat pants” when Krispy Kreme comes to town. Because once I eat one of those doughnuts, they head for my hips and never leave. It’s true. Krispy Kreme fat is impervious to exercising.
It’s even impervious to pork rinds and sugar-free Jell-O. It’s the most stubborn fat ever. I don’t even think it can be liposuctioned out. Once that fat attaches to my butt, it’s there to stay.
Okay, maybe that’s because I can’t stop at just one doughnut. Maybe it’s not really the Krispy Kreme’s – maybe it’s me. I have no willpower. Not when it comes to those doughnuts anyway.
Now I am sure that there are some people around who do not like Krispy Kreme. I’m even sure there are people that believe that Krispy Kreme’s are just a doughnut. Please. These aren’t ordinary doughnuts. And if you can’t understand that – well, you probably still fit in your high school jeans.
But I don’t. And that’s why I’m happy and panicking at once. All I can do now is hope that I can develop super-human willpower before the store is finished.
Because I think my fat pants and I are doomed.
