This is an even numbered year and that may mean nothing to you,
or just seem like I’m stating to obvious, but for my family it
means we have the kids this year for the first half of Christmas
break up to Christmas afternoon.
This is an even numbered year and that may mean nothing to you, or just seem like I’m stating to obvious, but for my family it means we have the kids this year for the first half of Christmas break up to Christmas afternoon.
On odd numbered years, we get them late Christmas day through the New Year. Christmas day at home, with nothing to do but play all day with new toys is long gone … probably never to be seen again. Divorced people sharing custody spend holidays “sharing them” with the absent parent.
This year, like past (even numbered) years, the plan was to spend our half of the day ripping open our gifts and gobbling down a bowl of cereal fast enough to go to their paternal grandparents house (very close by) and open more gifts. These gifts, along with the ones from our house, usually don’t get played with until Jan. 2 after school, and after homework. Then we’ll get in the car for a 100-mile journey right smack in the middle of Christmas day which means we’ll be in the car for three hours. This does not make for a happy traditional Christmas.
The best we can do is to adapt and find reasons to be ok with it. Honestly, I don’t think the kids care very much. I’m sure they’re a little disappointed when they open something they really wanted and then they have to wait to play with it, but sometimes a gift is mobile enough to take in the car. And, of course they still have expectations of more gifts coming. They get several “Christmases” and tons of gifts. I think realistically it’s us, the parents, who suffer longing for a simple “Norman Rockwell” style holiday.
Years ago we developed a tradition on my side of the family. We call it the, “Eden Family Christmas.” We, the Edens, celebrate our family gift exchange and get together on a weekend either before or after Christmas, so we can all be together at once. As a result of my parents, the Eden Family Christmas is a party of 28. This includes my five siblings and I, our spouses and children. We all take turns hosting it. Everyone has an, “in-law” schedule to work around for Christmas day and it does get tricky, but we always work it out. This tradition started out of the necessity to accommodate the in-laws, not visitation schedules and fortunately, I’m the only one out of six who got divorced.
Out of love and respect for the in-laws, and in order to accommodate all of us, we celebrate Christmas on a day that isn’t in conflict with the actual holiday. It really takes the pressure off being in so many places on the 25th.
This year, I was able to convince my in-laws to start a new Irwin Family tradition. It’s the “Irwin Family Christmas,” to be held a few days before Christmas Day. Now the kids can spend the whole day with their grandparents and play with their new toys all day! We can actually sit down to a Christmas dinner together for the first time in years. We have a new plan, a new tradition … what a relief!
What this all means is that this year on Christmas morning, we’ll tear open our gifts, lounge around in our pajamas and eat warm breakfast while we play with new toys and warm our feet in fluffy new slippers. We’ll model new clothes and stick bows on each others heads. We will get dressed leisurely and leave at lunch time to drop them off. No rush!
I know it’s not easy to change traditions, but it is possible. I hope this gives all of you divorced folks some ideas. If you can’t change your visitation schedule, change your personal schedule. Make new traditions to accommodate new lifestyles. Holidays shouldn’t have to be so chaotic or disappointing and really Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a season.
Merry Christmas to you all and Happy New Year, too!
Lydia Eden-Irwin and her husband were both raised in Gilroy. They have three children
collectively. Lydia can be reached at ed*****@*ol.com.
