It’s a Super Bowl world after all

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, no, not Christmas, silly! Super Bowl Sunday is coming for crying out loud.
Speaking of crying … we did a lot of it by the end of the 49ers/Giants championship game. We THOUGHT the old red and gold team would pull one more out of their helmets, and after putting us through a hellish, nail-biting overtime, it was the LEAST they could have done. But you know the old lament: “There’s always next year.”
Even sans 49ers, Sunday’s Super Bowl has something for everybody. Don’t believe me? Let’s talk.
Like Extreme-Comfort-Food appetizers? Ah, this is a no-brainer. Kitchens across America are stocked with everything from pizza to s’mores. Plus, talk about controversy! The raging debate is whether folks will put down EIGHT or NINE MILLION POUNDS of guacamole on Sunday. If you care to wager a bet on the exact amount, I’m sure you can find a Vegas bookie who will hook you up. Or you can just revel in the 14,500 TONS of chips that will be used to scoop up that guacamole.
And should you tragically over-indulge at the trough and need a break from work the next day? Yep, you’ll have company. An extra 1.5 million Americans will call in “sick” on Monday.
Don’t know who’s playing in this year’s Super Bowl? Don’t care? For you, Binky, there are the famed Super Bowl ads. Yeah, yeah, everybody knows that sponsors pay (how does $7 million a minute sound?) big bucks for the ads. And we’ve seen some classic commercials down through the years. But who really sticks around for the WHOLE game if you’re just in it for the commercials? Yep, by fourth quarter that viewership has by now drifted off to the malls.
But if you’re a POP ENTERTAINMENT buff, the halftime show is your Holy Grail. I mean, with Madonna on tap this year, we can expect some drama, right? Don’t care for the Material Girl, er … Matron? Well then, let’s look back at some of the, well, odder halftime shows from Super Bowl Sunday. I assure you, Madonna will seem nearly normal. 
Let’s face it, some mega-superstars have strutted their stuff at the halftime shows. But there have been some colossal fizzles, too. Like way back in 1991 (Super Bowl XXV) when those adorable little kiddos performed at halftime singing … WHAT?? Disney music??? (“It’s a Small World After All” is okey-dokey at Disneyland but at the testosterone-charged Super Bowl? Not so much.) And it only got worse. The kidlets were just the lead-in to … New Kids on the Block. Again, WHAT were they thinking?
Apparently somebody got the message that 8-year-olds rocking their Disney moves at the Super Bowl concert wasn’t the wisest show-biz idea. So in 1995 they brought out Patti LaBelle in a Super Bowl XXIX concert that looked like an unfortunate marriage of “Star Wars” meets “Rocky Horror Picture Show” YIKES! Produced again by Disney, it got real weird, real fast.
But perhaps there was no more bizarre halftime extravaganza than the year of “Elvis Presto” – an Elvis impersonator/magician who put on a show that featured neither Elvis songs nor much discernable magic. Yes, 1989’s Super Bowl XXIII halftime show was a happenin’ thing. Prior to kick-off, fans at the game were given (and I know you are as shocked as I am by this fabulous demonstration of pulling out all the stops) 3-D GLASSES!!! You see, computer-generated-magical-special-effects were to be viewed via 3-D glasses during the show, and it was just so CUTTING EDGE and … well, nevermind.
And of COURSE I’m not going to dredge up the old Janet Jackson “wardrobe malfunction” from 2004. Oh, hahaha, I totally lied, of COURSE I’m dredging it up! Because if you want to know how much Super Bowl entertainment has changed since the “Small World” Disney kids in 1991 and “Nipplegate” in 2004, well … let me just say I rest my case.
There now, have I left anybody out? There’s the food, the ads, the entertainment and … oh, yes. There’s FOOTBALL! Even with the 49ers noticeably absent, there may still be a little FOOTBALL ACTION this Super Bowl Sunday! So let’s hear it, people: “GO … whoever!”