By E. Corinne Byrd
Are you a perfectionist? Do you scrutinize every minor detail,
and consistently criticize your performance on every job, every
project? Do you drive your family nuts doing the same thing to
them? Do you beat yourself up over things you wish you’d done
differently? Do you avoid situations in which you can’t give a star
performance?
By E. Corinne Byrd
Are you a perfectionist? Do you scrutinize every minor detail, and consistently criticize your performance on every job, every project? Do you drive your family nuts doing the same thing to them? Do you beat yourself up over things you wish you’d done differently? Do you avoid situations in which you can’t give a star performance?
Mostly, we think this is admirable; we call perfectionism “attention to detail.” Seeking perfection is a good thing but not when it gets to be “commitment to excellence on steroids.” When expectations of ourselves and others become so unrealistic as to demand flawless feats, we need to get a grip.
The aftermath of perfection is a wake of emotional frustration. Perfectionist parents can create unhappy kids who never feel “good enough.” Perfectionist mates and bosses generate apathetic attitudes and responses in those around them. Perfectionists set up an endless pattern of striving, discontent and disappointment that’s anything but a rewarding existence. It’s a vicious cycle.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up one day and presto, perfectionism cured. Stephen Covey talks about the prevailing “shortcut system” mentality we Americans have: trying to rebuild a marriage in one weekend, trying to lose weight in a few days. As he says, “Some things just can’t be done over a weekend.”
So if we can’t fix it in a hurry, what can be done to mitigate it? First, figure out where your areas of obsessive perfection are. Are you a neat freak? Appearance perfectionists are fanatical about how things looks – their hair, clothes, cars, lawns. Then there are fault-finding perfectionists. These people have hang ups about relationships. Finally, there are those whose perfection spotlight shines on their own performance; whatever they attempt has to be flawless or they’re deeply dismayed.
Lower your unreasonable expectations. Strive for balance, with a “to do” list that’s attainable without stressing out everybody in the house. Let go of judgment.
Realize perfectionism is a habit (some say addiction), and introduce new patterns into your life. Ask yourself, “What difference does it make? Does it really matter if the furniture is dusty when Aunt Alice comes over?”
Forget the mistakes of the past. When you start thinking about a moment you deem embarrassing or a mistake you can’t seem to let go, stop dead in your tracks and start thinking about something else, something positive, helpful or happy.
Work at finding humor in everyday situations. The phrase “lighten up” comes to mind; relax and enjoy life. Enjoy the process of living as much as you do the process of accomplishing the impossible task.
Personal satisfaction doesn’t always have to come from doing something. Further, help your loved one realize there is poignant, powerful value in revealing their humanity from time to time.
