Tiger Woods just won what is considered by some to have been the
most thrilling U.S. Open in the 108-year history of the tournament.
Casual Friday wouldn’t know because it didn’t start playing and
watching the game until it realized that golf can be considered a
contact sport if you throw a couple of 12-packs into the cart and
joust with other players in between holes.
Anyway, Woods’ heroic, courageous, gutsy, life-threatening
effort at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego may have been
overblown, what with cameras zooming into capture every wince
followed by golf analysts taking on the role of orthopedic surgeons
and body language experts, but winning The Open with a torn ACL and
two stress fractures in the same knee is impressive. Let’s just not
go awarding him the Purple Heart.
Two days after Woods bested Rocco
”
I look and play the exact opposite of Tiger, maybe you should
root for me
”
Mediate, it was announced that the best golfer in the world
would miss the rest of the season to undergo surgery to repair his
knee. PGA Tour officials have been inconsolable ever since. For the
remainder of the season, fans will get to witness golf circa 1995.
We’ll get to hop in the DeLorean with Doc Brown and travel back to
a time when Tiger Woods wasn’t around yet. Before Tiger played
golf, Phil Mickelson had no reason to lift weights, the only cool
golf video game was Golden Tee at the local bar, and Greg Norman
was still choking on Sunday.
But fear not, there are still reasons to watch golf, which is
why Casual Friday is presenting you with the Top Ten reasons to
continue tuning in to the PGA Tour (Why ten? Because five reasons
won’t stop your wife or significant other from making you get back
to yardwork and household chores):
Tiger Woods just won what is considered by some to have been the most thrilling U.S. Open in the 108-year history of the tournament. Casual Friday wouldn’t know because it didn’t start playing and watching the game until it realized that golf can be considered a contact sport if you throw a couple of 12-packs into the cart and joust with other players in between holes.
Anyway, Woods’ heroic, courageous, gutsy, life-threatening effort at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego may have been overblown, what with cameras zooming into capture every wince followed by golf analysts taking on the role of orthopedic surgeons and body language experts, but winning The Open with a torn ACL and two stress fractures in the same knee is impressive. Let’s just not go awarding him the Purple Heart.
Two days after Woods bested Rocco “I look and play the exact opposite of Tiger, maybe you should root for me” Mediate, it was announced that the best golfer in the world would miss the rest of the season to undergo surgery to repair his knee. PGA Tour officials have been inconsolable ever since. For the remainder of the season, fans will get to witness golf circa 1995. We’ll get to hop in the DeLorean with Doc Brown and travel back to a time when Tiger Woods wasn’t around yet. Before Tiger played golf, Phil Mickelson had no reason to lift weights, the only cool golf video game was Golden Tee at the local bar, and Greg Norman was still choking on Sunday.
But fear not, there are still reasons to watch golf, which is why Casual Friday is presenting you with the Top Ten reasons to continue tuning in to the PGA Tour (Why ten? Because five reasons won’t stop your wife or significant other from making you get back to yardwork and household chores):
No. 10 – Phil Mickelson’s wife. Hefty should win a couple tournaments with Tiger gone which means more face time for the missus. (It’s best not to use this one for your wife or significant other.)
No. 9 – Fashion tips from Jesper Parnevik. If you haven’t added a pink shirt to your wardrobe, you’re totally not secure with your sexuality.
No. 8 – A reminder that Europe is nice to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there. Two Words: British Open.
No. 7 – Return of the Rocco. Mediate is a lock to do, well, something. After finishing one stroke short after 91 holes with the greatest golfer in the world, Mediate is bound to make Mickelson’s life difficult, right? The way Casual Friday sees it, the U.S. Open was Mediate’s initiation. Woods had to be sure someone could fill his place in his absence. After 91 holes through five days of golf, the Magnificent Rocco showed he wouldn’t back down from anyone. Now can we get that guy some more pins for his hat?
No. 6 – Jack Nicklaus starts talking smack. With Tiger’s run towards Nicklaus’ major record of 18 put on hold, here’s hoping Nicklaus suddenly turns into Mercury Morris from the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins. We want to see Nicklaus on ESPN saying how Tiger’s not even in his neighborhood yet. We want to see Nicklaus put out a commercial for Reebok called “Majorville,” where Tiger tries to move on to his neighborhood block and Nicklaus slams the door on him.
No. 5 – Tournaments will be more competitive, hence more exciting. This isn’t actually true in terms of excitement, but it’s important that you keep telling yourself you have a preference between Ernie Els and Vijay Singh.
No. 4 – It’s either live golf or watching ESPN detail Woods’ rehabilitation with Skip Bayless panting in the background.
No. 3 – Be on the lookout for new equipment. Forget about all those ED commercials that seem to show middle-aged couples basking in their love of dishwashing. Get a driver bigger than your head and you’ll really be envied by other men.
No. 2 – Someone will hit the switch on the Hype Machine. Every tournament must have a winner, which means the media will build up some poor sap who won a few events and call him the next challenger to Tiger. This will only make Tiger mad, and other golfers wouldn’t like Tiger when he’s mad.
No. 1 – It’s either golf or risk watching the San Francisco Giants on a day they trot Barry Zito out to the mound. Is it really worth the risk?
