In Western culture in the not-so-distant past, marriage was
likely to be a contract between families for merging property and
alliances rather than a choice of two people to
”
love, honor and cherish
”
each other for the rest of their lives.
In Western culture in the not-so-distant past, marriage was likely to be a contract between families for merging property and alliances rather than a choice of two people to “love, honor and cherish” each other for the rest of their lives.
Even though the divorce rate in the United States hovers around 50 percent, most people enter into marriage with the idea that it’s a lifelong commitment.
Traditionally the would-be groom would ask permission of the bride’s father in advance, then purchase an engagement ring and, on bended knee, ask the woman of his dreams for her hand in marriage.
In reality, proposals vary as much as the people who make them. Some are elaborate and some are simple; some are traditionally romantic and some, well …
For example, a curmudgeonly fellow, the husband of this very reporter, in fact, recalls that he realized the woman he was seeing was right for him after he sat next to her for 23 hours on a flight to Hong Kong “without wanting to choke her.” He confided this realization to her. She agreed that being together made stressful conditions fun, and they married the next year.
At the other extreme is the “flamboyant and high-profile” proposal described by Nancy Lowe of Gilroy. She had known her beau for seven months and felt sure he was the one. He had planned a trip to Hawaii for the two of them, and she decided to use the romantic setting to ask him to marry.
When they were on the Big Island, she made an ally of the waiter at the restaurant where they had dinner reservations. “Will You Marry Me?” was written in chocolate on the rose-petal strewn table, there were mammoth chocolate covered strawberries and chilled champagne and a romantic sunset over the ocean.
As they entered the restaurant, the arrangements were visible, but it was only as they were seated that he realized it was for him.
He was dazzled and thrilled, and the answer was “yes.” According to Nancy, he “couldn’t stop smiling (for days).”
Even so, the magic moment did not last. After 8 months of betrothal, this couple decided not to marry and parted ways. Nancy says the proposal was romantic and exciting and just what he wanted, but not a guarantee of longevity. “It is still a nice memory – but just as meaningful would be a simple, sincere question,” she said.
A beautiful sunset also played a part when Carl Brenner, a ranger at Pinnacles National Monument, proposed to his girlfriend Lisa.
Both firefighters for the United States Forest Service at the time, Carl had already taken the traditional step of speaking to Lisa’s father, so he thought maybe she knew something was afoot. And she did suspect something.
He invited her backpacking high up Mount Olympus in Washington’s Olympia National Park.
“Since I was going to propose under God, I wanted to be as close to God as possible,” he said.
The couple reached their site about dusk. Deer were browsing nearby. They set up camp and got dinner started. As they relaxed together watching the sunset, Carl said casually, “I have a question for you” and asked her to become his wife.
Lisa excitedly responded, “Yes!”
Another simple question was recalled by seventy-something widow from Hollister, who asked that her name not be used, She and her late husband had met during her freshman year at San Jose State. He was a sophomore and pledging a local fraternity. As a pledge duty, his fraternity brothers commanded him “go get a date with that girl.” She was a freshman, and they dated from that day forward.
Three years later, she was aiming to be an airline stewardess, inspired partly by a relative who had been Charles Lindbergh’s private secretary. He had graduated and was an ensign in the Navy. One day she called him excitedly to tell him about her first stewardess job interview.
His response surprised her: “Why do that? Why don’t we get married instead?” Suddenly, life on the ground took on all the sparkle and excitement she had been expecting to find in the air, and they did indeed live happily ever after.
Bill Cascio of Salinas had known for some time that he wanted to marry his wife Vivian and had bought a ring but was still uncertain about the right moment.
They had planned a short vacation in Las Vegas, and he decided to ask her on the flight there. Part of their companionship was playing games together so he started a game of “hangman,” in which a player works to decipher an opponent’s phrase by guessing letters, while the opponent adds a limb to the hanging man with each wrong guess.
As the game progressed his heart began to pound, his mouth grew dry, and he became so pale that Vivian worried he might be ill. He had drawn spaces for the phrase “Will you marry me?” and Vivian had gotten as far as
W_ _ _ YOU M_R__ ME.
She guessed “Will you murder me?” and Bill said, “No! Will you MARRY me!”
He then stepped into the aisle, got on his knees and asked the question formally, complete with ring.
The flight crew helped them celebrate with congratulations and free champagne, and they, too, are living happily ever after.
