I have a bone to pick with Sally Lieber. Specifically, this idea
she has about legislating spanking is just
… how do I say this politely? It’s stupid. It’s wrong. It’s
unenforceable. And yes, that was the most polite way I could think
of to say it.
“I was an expert on raising children until I had one to raise.” – Laurie’s Grandma
I have a bone to pick with Sally Lieber. Specifically, this idea she has about legislating spanking is just … how do I say this politely? It’s stupid. It’s wrong. It’s unenforceable. And yes, that was the most polite way I could think of to say it.
I resent her for proposing it. Heck, she’s not even a parent herself. Oh, I know that’s biased. But I can’t help it. Parenting is hard enough without having some person trying to legislate it, no matter how well meaning she is.
The truth is if anyone had told you before parenthood how hard it was to be a parent – the mistakes you’d make, the many drug, sex and bully talks you’d give to an audience that may or may not be listening, the diaper changes from hell – nobody would become a parent. The human race would have died out long ago and the world would be overrun with feral cats or something.
And that brings me back to Ms. Lieber. According to the California State Assembly Web site, she and her husband, “take seriously their role as pet guardians for a politically astute black-and-white cat.”
Um, OK. Look, I don’t think raising a cat is the same as raising a child, no matter how politically astute that cat may be. I raised two dogs before Junior came along and I can tell you honestly it didn’t prepare me for anything other than picking up dog poop in the backyard. Animals are not children. Raising an animal doesn’t teach you to raise a child. Watching other people raise their children doesn’t make you an expert on raising children. I’m not even sure that being a child at one point in your life prepares you for raising one.
Animals do not talk back to you. Animals do not try to outwit the V-chip on the TV to watch “R” movies. They don’t raid the fridge at 1am and come into your room at 2am to toss their cookies – literally – on the new white duvet cover. Animals are not pressured by peers to use drugs or dress in strange outfits or observe bizarre rituals such as calling each other “dude” no matter what their gender.
Raising an animal doesn’t compare. And that’s part of what makes me mad about Ms. Lieber. She hasn’t experienced the joy, the pain, the exasperation and the wonder that is parenting. And yet, she seems to want to tell us how to do it. That ticks me off.
And I’m not even a spanker. Oh, I’ve tried it. But frankly, Junior’s rear is made of tough cowhide. Spanking never got his attention the way a nice 10-minute session in the timeout chair does. But just because it doesn’t work for me, doesn’t mean everyone should stop spanking.
The truth is, not only do I believe that you should walk a mile in a parent’s shoes before attempting to legislate them, I also believe that there is a huge difference between spanking and beating kids. Huge. Look, I’m a parent and I’ve been a foster parent. And I’m positive that there is a vast difference between abusing a child and spanking one. And beating a child – yours or someone else’s – is already illegal.
You know, I’m sure Ms. Lieber is proposing this legislation with good intentions. Parent or not, she seems to have our children’s best interests at heart. After all, she’s served on various committees dealing with social services. I’m sure she’s seen and heard of things that would horrify other people. And I think she just wants to protect children, not put good parents in jail for up to a year.
But that’s exactly what might happen. A parent who spanks a child for any reason – whether it’s running into oncoming traffic or flushing a shoe down the toilet – may be put into prison for up to a year, according to published reports quoting Ms. Lieber. And it won’t matter if that parent loves their child. It won’t matter if that parent provides for that child, supports that child, defends that child and makes that child the center of the parent’s world.
Because one swat on the tushy makes that parent a criminal. And that’s the real crime behind Ms. Lieber’s proposal. Punish the people who beat their children. But don’t punish the people who make a different discipline choice than you would make.
