The family that texts together …

Muffled voices coming from what sounds like the other room:
He: “I don’t think that worked.”
She: “I don’t know; it’s vibrating.”
He: “You need to turn up the volume.”
She: “How do I do that? These buttons on the side? Wait! I need my glasses!”
He: “That didn’t work.”
She: “Oh never mind!”
No, friends, that isn’t the script from a particularly badly written adult film. Perhaps I should explain by starting at the beginning.
Before Christmas, while shopping for gifts, it occurred to me that my husband’s cell phone was so old it had neither texting nor picture taking capabilities. Yes, tragically Hubby’s phone contained only the attribute that God intended for cell phones – the ability to make a phone call. A new phone was the perfect gift idea.
Soon thereafter I ventured innocently into the cell phone store and – Whoa! “Smart” phones were EVERYWHERE! Was Hubby ready for such a large technological leap forward? I decided he was.
Having our progeny already onboard the smart phone bandwagon as well as a group of buddies that golf weekly with smart phones in tow, my spouse had been exposed to the advanced communications devices. So he was surprisingly receptive to his Christmas gift.
Now with my own personal birthday coming in mid-January, turns out Hubby had been contemplating the same gift idea for me. So it was back to the cell phone store, together this time, to launch into our new lives of smart phoning.
Let me say right off, having the right sales representative makes all the difference. In times past my eyes have glazed over while trying to absorb the rapid-fire info imparted by some of the sales folks. But Isaac at Gilroy’s Verizon store became our new best friend as he navigated us through the various plans and options of today’s new phones. I was ready to take out adoption papers on him.
Eventually Isaac had us all signed up and, phones activated, we headed home to figure out the ins and outs of these new devices. First my husband called my cell phone from our home phone to see if basic operations – such as answering the phone – were possible. Well. It seemed we’d hit a snag. More intense learning was needed.
Later that evening, I noticed I had a new voicemail message. Hmmm … I hadn’t even heard my phone ring. Strange; who had called me? I competently, er … eventually accessed my voicemail and … well, there in its strange entirety was the cryptic conversation you read at the beginning of this column. Yep, we’d recorded our entire discussion of our first phone call attempt without even realizing it. We were SO not prepared for this high tech conversion!
I have to be honest. It didn’t get much better.
Deciding that setting up the calendar feature would be pretty simple (right? RIGHT??), I entered a lunch date with a friend coming up later this month. Glancing at my calendar now, I see I have lunch scheduled with mRfra on Jan. 13. Unfortunately I don’t know at what time. Apparently it’s a 24-hour deal. I had a little trouble getting the time part entered.
And texting? Well. My fingers are a bit “heavy-handed” for this nimble little keyboard. Thumbs are all over the place. But no fear. The handy spell-check built into the phone has my back. Therefore, my older daughter probably wondered “What the … ?” when she got a message that I was having some issues typing on my “key Lard.”
Breaking news! Suddenly I had literally TONS of great tips and suggestions furnished by my Facebook friends: “Don’t drop it in the loo,” wrote Ray. “And if you do, a bowl of white rice, uncooked; bury the wet phone in it overnight. Helps to dry it out, I read. Just in case.” Or from Dwight: “For your first Siri question ask, ‘Where can I dispose of a dead body?’ Her answer will surprise you.” Oh, yikes!
But the real test is coming soon, friends: Can my hubby and I enrich our marriage through texting? Will we ever figure out “apps?” I’ll let you know. But this keyboard thing? It’s going to take some prCtice.