With each passing year, I realize that making memories is more
important than making purchases during the holidays. Make this
Christmas memorable for young and old alike by creating
conversation opportunities. Communication is the most fundamental
building block for forming an intimate relationship with
someone.
With each passing year, I realize that making memories is more important than making purchases during the holidays. Make this Christmas memorable for young and old alike by creating conversation opportunities. Communication is the most fundamental building block for forming an intimate relationship with someone.
According to Jon Nussbaum, one of the contributing authors to “Communication and Aging,” intimacy includes mutual trust, support and understanding. Nussbaum says knowing a person intimately is not restricted to marital relationships; we can have intimate relationships with friends and family too.
Nussbaum notes that reminiscing with another person is one way to bring about intimacy. He says that reminiscence typically refers to the act of recalling events that happened long ago. Informative reminiscence, he says, involves recollection for the pleasure of reliving and retelling which can be used to revive interest, self esteem and personal relationships.
I would like to focus on the intimate relationship between adult children and their elderly parents. Nussbaum says that in some cases, this particular relationship can last up to 90 years. That’s a lot of holiday celebrations – not to mention weddings, graduations, retirement parties and anniversaries. You might run out of gift ideas after all those years of giving.
Open the communication channels this holiday season. Create opportunities for sharing memories by incorporating memories into gift ideas and new holiday traditions.
Here are a few gift ideas I hope will serve you and your family well this holiday season and in the future.
No. 1: Songs! They can encapsulate an era and start the movie reels rolling in our heads; what were doing when we heard that particular song? Music is a magical transportation device. If your kids have an iPod, they should have an iTunes account. Collaborate on a project with your kids in an effort to get them to know their elders; they may discover that their favorite contemporary artist was actually influenced by one of their grandparent’s favorite artists. Choose two or three songs from each of the past decades and create “Grandma’s Play List.” Or sit down with grandpa and ask him about his favorite 20 songs or artists. Capture them on a disc and play the music during your family’s holiday dinner.
No. 2: Scanners, digital cameras, laptops, memory cards and video cameras, oh my! Recruit a technologically savvy family member to help you; with the right equipment and the proper connectors, you can show photo collages on your television. Borrow photos from family members and scan them. If you don’t have a scanner, local stores such as Long’s Drugs have user-friendly ones. Put them on a CD or DVD and give everyone a copy. Make a life story collage of one or both of your parents and give them the spotlight. Sit down together, let older family members talk about the photos and let the conversations flow. Scrapbooks and photo albums are great too, but with a slide show, photos are easier to see because they’re bigger and more people can enjoy them at the same time. If your elders live in a nursing home, digital photo frames are a great gift too; they help eliminate clutter in small living quarters.
No. 3: Go around the table during dinner and ask everyone to share a favorite holiday memory. Don’t restrict the kids to their own table. Ask older relatives to share stories about what they got for Christmas when they were young. After dinner you can do what my Aunt Pauline did last year: break the family into teams and play a Christmas trivia game (check online).
No. 4: One of the most important gifts you can give an elderly friend or relative is time; setting aside a couple of hours and providing them with your undivided attention can make a world of difference. Nussbaum reports that elderly people who were surveyed said the quality of time spent with family members is more important than the quantity of time. If they have a traditional holiday dish they are famous for making, ask them to teach you how to make it. Shop together for the ingredients and then go back to their place create the dish. I bet you’ll learn a kitchen trick or two.
No. 5: You can also create gift certificates. Let the elders choose one of their favorite movies, make popcorn and get comfy. Learn to play their favorite card games and make a date to get together and play each month. Or simply take them out to their favorite restaurant – just the two of you – and spend some quality time together.
