It’s a dilemma that parents face each time their child
misbehaves. From dealing with a 5-year-old who defiantly colors on
the walls to a 10-year-old who won’t get out of bed or do their
homework, how do we punish our children? Past generations may have
used physical force, but sparing the rod doesn’t necessarily spoil
the child, and corporal punishment of minors is in decline
throughout the developed world.
It’s a dilemma that parents face each time their child misbehaves. From dealing with a 5-year-old who defiantly colors on the walls to a 10-year-old who won’t get out of bed or do their homework, how do we punish our children? Past generations may have used physical force, but sparing the rod doesn’t necessarily spoil the child, and corporal punishment of minors is in decline throughout the developed world. It’s even illegal to spank your own child in 13 countries, including Sweden, Israel, Italy and Zimbabwe.
“I grew up with corporal punishment in my house, said John Perales, principal of Mt. Madonna High School in Gilroy. “My dad would say, ‘OK. You can’t go past this block.’ One time I did and when I came home he was waiting for me with a cord from the vacuum cleaner. I learned my lesson.”
Perales, 30, is now a father of two himself. Like all California teachers he is bound by the law not to use physical force in the classroom as a punishment. He routinely fields questions about discipline from parents, and always tells them that hitting their child is not the answer.
Yet Perales himself struggles at home with that principle.
His 4-year-old son is very rules-oriented and seldom needs more than a strict word, but he already foresees discipline problems with his 15-month-old daughter, whose personality is far more aggressive and independent.
“I always say, ‘No,’ (to corporal punishment as an option for other parents) because I don’t know that parent’s and I don’t know that child’s capabilities,” said Perales. “I don’t know how far they’ll take it.
“I get parents who will fight me on that and say, ‘I have the right to hit my kid and you’re not going to stop me.’ And I tell them that if they hit the kid I’ll write a report. But could that happen to me? Will a teacher file a report on me someday if I hit my kid?”
Teachers, like psychologists and doctors, are mandated reporters in California. They are required by law to report any suspicion of child abuse or neglect to Child Protective Services (CPS), a division of the Social Services Administration that evaluates and acts to intervene in cases of child abuse or neglect.
“If we suspect anything, even if we’re not sure, we report it,” said Greg Camacho-Light, vice-principal of Gilroy High School. “Anything that looks like there’s been some hurt – a series of repetitive marks, or the student answering kind of strange to questions about a bruise.
“We’re the front lines and we don’t need to be experts, but we do need to be aware.”
Steve Gilbert, principal of Rucker Elementary in Hollister, added, “There usually isn’t something that just jumps out. The teachers are there in the classroom with the children every day, so they kind of get a feel for it if a kid is very scared or seems to be hurting.”
While most parents today would not discipline their children to the point of prolonged physical pain, the very act of spanking has come under fire because of such instances. Limits are not clearly defined for professionals, let alone the public. Two local psychologists’ groups refused to comment for this story because they feared their comments would fall outside of approved CPS guidelines.
And while one CPS director in Santa Clara County said that there were definitive guidelines for “what constitutes abuse under our agency’s policy,” she directed questions to another CPS employee who did not return phone calls. In all, more than a dozen calls went unanswered by Santa Clara County and San Benito County CPS offices from Sept. 27 to press time.
In fairness, CPS representatives are among the ranks of the most overburdened and under-appreciated government employees. A 1999 survey of child protection case workers by the University of Michigan revealed that more than 50 of the 1,600 case workers interviewed had been physically abused or assaulted by a client.
For those outside the justice system, the silent debate over child punishment continues in cyberspace. Sites like www.NoSpank.net argue that all forms of corporal punishment for children constitute abuse, going so far as to say that spanking a child is tantamount to sexual abuse since the buttocks (like a woman’s breasts) are an erogenous zone.
Yet seventy percent of Americans would likely disagree, according to a 1994 study conducted by the National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse. Of that number, however, only half said they had actually spanked their child in the last year. It is an interesting snapshot of a society that largely wants to retain the right to use the rod, yet is increasingly using it sparingly, if at all.
The only demographic group still strongly in favor of spanking is evangelical Christians, 91 percent of whom spank their children, according to a September 2003 survey by the ministry group Focus on the Family.
James Dobson, the group’s founder, advises parents that while spanking is a viable form of punishment, it must also be age-appropriate.
“A baby needs to be held and loved,” writes Dobson in his book, “The Strong-Willed Child.” The child “should be fed when he’s hungry and changed when he’s wet. The foundation for emotional and physical health is laid during the first six months, which should be filled with security, affection and warmth.”
Dobson advises that no child under the age of seven months be directly disciplined no matter what their behavior. Instead, he suggests, they should be distracted. This comment is meant to deter parents who spank their infants for crying in the middle of the night, and points to spanking advocates’ distance from figures like Madelyne Toogood, the mother caught on video tape beating her restrained infant in a parking lot.
Many traditional societies believe the foundation period should be longer. In Croatian society children are not normally disciplined before the age of three. Some cultures wait until five.
To date, psychological tests have been inconclusive, but a trend toward more humanistic social values has steadily eroded the practice of spanking in the United States. In 1998, a survey of members of the American Academy of Pediatrics found that while 74 percent had been spanked as children, only 35 percent had ever done so to their own. Ninety percent said spanking should either never be used or should only be used in “very limited circumstances.”
Alternatives to physical punishment for small children include time-outs and lecturing, while older kids might be better suited to lecturing combined with pattern adjustment – setting improvement goals together as parent and child.
“I tell (parents) to take away the car,” said Perales. “Take away the television and make them earn it back.
“But then again, I hear my father saying, ‘Why are you being rewarded for something you’re supposed to do?’ Why didn’t we do half the stupid things we could have done while we were in high school? Because we were afraid of our parents.”
Warning signs
Some warning signs of child abuse that any member of the community can be aware of include:
• Repetitive marks such as the imprints of fingers or a hand
• Difficulty sitting; may be caused by whipping with a belt or cord
• Bruising on the back of the legs
• Patently false accident stories such as a child who doesn’t skateboard telling adults he fell while doing a trick
• Recycled stories (“I fell down the stairs again.”)
• A single black eye, which generally indicates being hit rather than accidentally falling or injuring one’s nose
If you suspect a child is being abused, call the National Child Abuse Hotline at (800) 4-A-CHILD immediately.
