I have tag issues. You know, the things that hang around your
neck, attached to your favorite T-shirt. I don’t know who invented
tags, but I don’t think they realized the problems they would
cause. I mean, sure, tags SEEM like a good idea. Who doesn’t want
to have care instructions and clothing sizes handily sewn into
their outfits?
I have tag issues. You know, the things that hang around your neck, attached to your favorite T-shirt. I don’t know who invented tags, but I don’t think they realized the problems they would cause. I mean, sure, tags SEEM like a good idea. Who doesn’t want to have care instructions and clothing sizes handily sewn into their outfits?
But tags have a lot of problems. For one thing, they’re always in the wrong place. Tags are always near your rear or on your neck. Once I had a pair of pants with a stiff tag in a place where you don’t want a stiff tag poking at you. Now I ask you, does anybody think about this?
Why don’t clothing manufacturers have employees who actually try on the finished products and figure out if the tag is poking people in the rear? Don’t you agree that proper tag placement should be part of their quality control process? It’s not right that millions of us are walking around with tag wedgies just because nobody figured out that the tags were poking people in private places.
And then there are the neck tags. Good Lord, get a sharp one of these and you get a tag hickey on your neck that lasts a month and requires you to explain things to your grandmother that you don’t want to talk about. Frankly, the only tags I like are the ones that aren’t tags at all, just a bunch of words printed directly onto my clothing. They don’t itch. They don’t give me hickeys or wedgies. Of course, the problem with those tags is that you can’t get rid of them. Oh, and did I mention that they tell the truth?
It’s true. Tags don’t lie. And they’re annoyingly brief about what size you wear. If you have a shirt that’s a large, the tag says “L.” It doesn’t say “L, but would be an S if this were made by a different manufacturer.” It doesn’t say, “L, but it’s a slim fit so tell your friends it’s really an M.” Nope, that tag says “L” and I think it means it.
If those tags weren’t bad enough, there are new tags out these days and they scare the heck out of me. These tags usually lurk on the right side of your outfit, ready to poke you in the thigh or the waist. They’re skinny and long and filled with something stiff that will rip the heck out of said thigh or waist. But worst of all is their ominous warning, “Remove Before Wearing or Washing.”
What does that mean? If I wear the shirt before I remove the tag will I explode? Will I become radioactive after wearing it? Or could it be a tracking device? If I venture into Macy’s wearing a shirt I bought at Nordstrom, will I get an electric shock?
And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve washed and dried clothing with this tag still attached. I’m just waiting for the washer or dryer to catch fire or flood the house. Or maybe my washer and dryer will suddenly spring to life and try to attack me like machines out of the “Terminator” movies.
Seriously. These are very scary tags. I spend more time worrying about the effect these tags will have on me than I do trying to find a good makeup to cover up the tag hickeys I get from every shirt I own. In fact, these tags may be even more frightening than a tag that says, “Dry Clean Only.”
In truth, I avoid the dry clean only tags. I’ve lost many a nice outfit to the dry cleaner. Oh, it’s completely my fault. Once an outfit is dropped off at the dry cleaner, it’s pretty much stuck on that big revolving rack forever. I’m positive I have a memory defect that makes it impossible for me to remember to pick up my dry cleaning.
Oh, I’ve tried. I’ve written notes on the calendar. I’ve had Harry remind me. I’ve even begged the dry cleaners to leave me messages begging me to pick up my darned clothes. But nothing works. Once the clothes are dropped off, I never see them again.
On the other hand, no matter how horrible or scary they are, tags are necessary. After all, without tags in our clothing, we wouldn’t be able to … hmmm. Actually, I don’t know why they’re there. Unless they really are tracking devices.
