As far as walking styles are concerned, I’ve come to believe
that there are two different kinds of people in the world: the
Striders, who hike for miles over hills and dirt roads and all
sorts of slanted objects just to increase their ”heart rate.”
As far as walking styles are concerned, I’ve come to believe that there are two different kinds of people in the world: the Striders, who hike for miles over hills and dirt roads and all sorts of slanted objects just to increase their ”heart rate.” And the Social Walkers who set a more leisurely pace, preferably in the direction of, say, a mall or a Starbucks.
Bet you can’t guess which group I’m in.
However, it can be hard for the untrained eye to tell these two types apart. This is because there’s no good way to be sure just what kind of a walker a person is until you’re walking together. But by then it’s too late.
Because if there’s nothing that Striders hate more than anything is someone who slows-them-down. Sure, they are the nicest people before you start walking; you might even be best friends. But let me warn you now, once you’re out on the trail, you’re on own, buddy. Striders will not put up with someone who wears clogs and drinks cappuccino. They will not put up with someone who swings their arms and whistles. And they definitely won’t put up with someone who stops every five seconds looking for a nice bench for a little rest. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known the person since birth, saved their life, or are their best and dearest friend in the entire universe. If you don’t keep up, you will be left behind.
Yes, it’s true. One minute you’ll be chatting away about the latest Brad Pitt movie or best trendy hair styles or your opinion on the comeback of shoulder pads, and the next you’ll be all alone clutching your Starbucks cup squinting through the dust as your partner zooms off into the distance, and possibly into the next state.
And it’s useless trying to catch up. This is not only impossible, it’s impractical since, even if you do, both of your lungs will be hanging out of your mouth and dangling somewhere below your knees, and you’ll be all out of coffee and have to go back for a refill anyway.
But don’t waste your precious breath trying to explain this to a Strider. They’ll just look at you with the same sort of look reserved for Couch Quarterbacks and Major Losers.
For instance, take my friend Barb, one of the most serious walkers I know. Just the other day she announced that she’s going to beat the high fuel prices by – ha, ha – walking everywhere. Now, I admit, on the surface this sounds like a good plan. And, hey, it is a good plan. However, let me just stop right here and say that Barb is the type of walker that makes gazelles look slow. She could leave for the grocery store 10 miles away and be there in three minutes without breaking so much as a sweat. So this exactly the sort of comment you’d expect from someone like her.
I probably don’t need to tell you that a plan like this wouldn’t work so well for me. Mainly because Social Walkers don’t walk for flimsy reasons like transportation or health – we walk for the gossip. That, and critiquing other people’s front yards. I mean, if I had to walk any faster I’d be too busy breathing to be able to describe the details of my neighbor’s new car. Plus I’d risk missing my chance to point out all of the lawns that look worse than mine.
Shallow? Sure. And deep down on a more mature kind of level, I know that Barb has a good point. And sometimes I think about upgrading my walking goals to actually burning some calories.
But not today. Right now I have to go meet my friend, Shirley, for our usual five block stroll – which is just enough time to catch up on how each other’s kids are doing, trade a few low carb recipes and tally up the neighborhood lawn gnomes.
Who said social walking isn’t hard work?
