The assaults on family values are now coming from all sides and
not least of all, from within us. There is no one to blame. We are
simply facing challenges that come in different forms to every
generation.
In our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, they struggled
with different challenges: walking to school in the snow, fewer
opportunities to attend college, drag races and young marriages.
Many of them, however, were not challenged by an absence of family
life or an overabundance of activities.
The assaults on family values are now coming from all sides and not least of all, from within us. There is no one to blame. We are simply facing challenges that come in different forms to every generation.
In our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, they struggled with different challenges: walking to school in the snow, fewer opportunities to attend college, drag races and young marriages. Many of them, however, were not challenged by an absence of family life or an overabundance of activities.
By this, I mean they had time with their parents and siblings – whether they wanted it or not. Most were expected to be at the dinner table at a certain time every night – no excuses. Often, Sunday mornings were devoted to family time at church. And the week was often concluded with extended family at the all-important Sunday supper. With all these opportunities for togetherness, siblings knew each other well (not that they always liked each other) and they were forced to sit for several minutes or hours per week with their parents (which was likely excruciating for some).
As a parent of three stepdaughters, I think I’m suffering from something I thought disappeared after high school: peer pressure. For some reason, seeing what other parents were doing, I started believing that two sports per child at a time was not too much. That I had to be at every game or practice. That if my children were not in some outside-of-school-time sports activity, that they would be at a disadvantage later in life.
A disadvantage for what, exactly? Becoming a pro athlete? And really, I can’t pick on sports. Other children are booked four afternoons a week between piano lessons, French lessons and gymnastics. Parents in many cases are glorified taxi drivers, giving their children every advantage in life, with door-to-door service – but to what end?
If you’re so busy that you and your spouse are driving different kids to different activities every night of the week, how does that affect marriage? How does it affect children to rarely see the whole family together doing one activity? It doesn’t count if everyone’s doing soccer, but at different venues, calling each other on cell phones for score updates. That’s not togetherness.
I’d like to see a little more boredom. A few more hours with nothing in particular for kids to do and nowhere for them to be. As adults, many of us know that true creativity doesn’t start until there’s a quiet morning or we’re walking in fresh air or spending time in the garden or the garage. Or when we’re stirring a big pot of sauce that needs to cook for hours. It’s when our minds are quiet that great thoughts tiptoe in.
Isn’t it that way for children, too? Do you remember when your child disappeared to listen to music and came out of their room with a beautiful drawing or a dance they had made up? And they wanted to share it with you?
Those are beautiful moments and they just don’t happen when someone is scrambling for their (fill in the blank: Spanish book, tap shoes, shin guards) and someone else is screaming, “If we don’t leave right now you’re going to be late – again!”
I’m not deluding myself that life will suddenly become simple. But I believe it can be simplified – if we make the effort.
Spending time with the family should be the priority. But there will be no good time, no possible time unless we plan for it and then guard it jealously from the grabbing hands of a jammed calendar.
I’m aiming to be the anti-hyper parent, and I’m entering reform school right now. I am quite sure I will slip down the slope a few more times; especially during weeks when there’s back to school night, a choir concert and a meeting for work. Those creep up on us despite our best intentions.
But I am going to remember that there are only so many hours of potential family time in each week. And I am going to ask myself “why?” and “is this necessary?” I’m going to stick up for family time over friends time. I’m going to advocate for fewer activity commitments.
And last, I am going to try to look at our family in a holistic way so that when the sign-up sheet comes around, I ask the right question: “If we decide to do this, what are we gaining? And what are we giving up?”
•••
And now, off my soapbox and back to the stove. This week, we are very lucky to share a wonderful new cookbook put together by the Gilroy Assistance League. It’s entitled, “Reflections of our lives … Culinary classics and time-honored recipes of Gilroy Assistance League and Friends.
This is a great community cookbook – and you know how I love those – because it’s filled with old friends, not just the people but the recipes. Many of you remember “14-Carrot Cake” and “Chile Relleno Casserole,” even if you haven’t made them lately. They’re in here, along with “Brown Butter Peach Tart” and “Portuguese Sopas.” Samples of the recipes go along with today’s column.
The Gilroy Assistance League was started as an adoptive services club in 1959 with 15 women. In 1984, the group officially became GALS and began fundraising and grant-giving in the local community. The 35 members are impressive in their ability to earn money and give it to childrens’ groups and organizations that most deserve it each year.
Proceeds from the cookbook will be given out as grants to local health, recreation and visual and performing arts programs targeting youths. Get your own copy while they last! The cost is $15 for a 3-ring binder of recipes. Checks may be made payable to GALS and sent to: 777 First Street, P.M. Box 274, Gilroy, CA 95020.
Happy cooking!
“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.”
~ Benjamin Disraeli
Notes:
• Whipped butters contain 30 to 45 percent air whipped into them, making them more spreadable. It also makes them unsuitable for baking. Use real, regular butter or a non-whipped substitute.
• If you can’t get stains out of pyrex, spray with oven cleaner and let sit a few minutes. Wash thoroughly.
•To update your mashed potatoes, just before serving, mix in a dollop of sour cream and some chopped herbs, such as basil or parsley. The heat of the potatoes will “cook” the herbs and the flavor will be fresh and wonderful.
• One or two teaspoons of instant coffee will bring great depth to brown gravy. Stir in and then simmer for a couple of minutes.
• RSVP: Respond quickly, if you please. Karen Norte is looking for a banana-chocolate cake or pie to serve at her younger sister’s birthday party on Nov. 12. Karen is a seventh-grader and she asks us to please, “make it simple.” E-mail
jd****@ga****.com
or fax (408) 848-0233
