It looks like the so-called
9-11 Commission is going to stay busy for a while longer. While
it’s still in session I’d like to take the opportunity to thank
each and every columnist, reporter and talking-head pundit who has
so far refrained from giving the whole exercise an annoyingly cute
name ending in ”
–gate.”
It looks like the so-called
9-11 Commission is going to stay busy for a while longer. While it’s still in session I’d like to take the opportunity to thank each and every columnist, reporter and talking-head pundit who has so far refrained from giving the whole exercise an annoyingly cute name ending in ” –gate.” The ” –gate” thing was fun while it lasted (that’s 30 years of fun; my, how the time flies when you’re having scandal), but I for one am ready for another catchy suffix – perhaps ” –fib” or ” –whopper” or ” –scam.” The ground is really too fertile for Letterman to pass up for long.
We’re going to see – well, we’re not actually going to see in the sense of seeing, but we’re going to see in the sense of Commission members telling us about it, sort of, well, some of it, the parts it’s OK for us mere common people to know about in a general way – anyway, we’re going to see the Prez and the Vice-Prez testifying. Big emphasis on the ”and” there; they’re going to testify together, in the same room at the same time, as a pair, like ice dancers. Now, this is most noteworthy, since it is only on rare and very special occasions that our two top executive officers are even allowed to be in the same place at the same time – security concerns, you know, and that’s in times a lot more secure than these.
However, even though it was the Prez who insisted on the two-for-one approach, the Commission has its own reasons for being glad it’s coming down that way, for it will allow them to conduct a long-sought experiment. With luck, they will finally be the first to prove whether or not George Bush can speak while Dick Cheney is drinking a glass of water.
Later this week we get to see, and this time we can really see, National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice in the chair. It is a safe bet that she will testify with great vigor that her boss is flawless in every way, that the Administration is genetically incapable of making any mistakes whatsoever, and that the President is not obsessed with Iraq, he’s not, he’s not, he’s not. They haven’t decided yet whether she’ll be pounding the table when she says this; stamping her foot is the fallback option.
For example, she can be counted on to counter counter-terrorism advisor Richard Clarke’s assertion that Dubya was fixated on Iraq before 9-11 had even turned into 9-12. Of course he did mention Iraq, well, perhaps kind of forcefully, and maybe pretty soon after the attacks, in a way that could be misinterpreted as single-minded. But in fact, Iraq was just one of many options the President was pursuing in his role as the ultimately wise, focused, blameless, and oh heck, let’s just say it, perfect Commander in Chief. What Clarke didn’t know was that Dubya buttonholed other people that day also; some he told to be sure and check out Norway for possible links to Al Qaida, while others were instructed to look extra-hard for any shred of evidence tying Osama bin Laden to Middle Earth or the United Federation of Planets. And besides, the Administration has information indicating that Richard Clarke could well be a big fat lying perjuring two-faced disloyal exaggerating poophead, and it’s just a darn shame that for national security reasons they can’t get into specifics.
It is possible that somewhere along the parade route a small child will tug his mother’s sleeve and utter the fateful words, ”But Mommy, the Emperor isn’t WEARING any clothes!” That child has no idea of the trouble he is in for.
