As we head into the really vicious phase of my re-election
campaign, the one that will have every American desperately wanting
a shower after every commercial, I just want to say one thing, the
one thing that I will be saying over and over again no matter what
question I may be asked, no matter what the topic of my speech
might be, no matter what debate response I am called upon to
make.
As we head into the really vicious phase of my re-election campaign, the one that will have every American desperately wanting a shower after every commercial, I just want to say one thing, the one thing that I will be saying over and over again no matter what question I may be asked, no matter what the topic of my speech might be, no matter what debate response I am called upon to make.
Freedom.
Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom. That’s what it’s all about, people. That’s what I’m all about. I’m a freedom kinda guy. I love freedom, love it to death. I love the fact that here in America we all have the freedom to do whatever we want as long as John Ashcroft says it’s OK. I love the fact that we have the freedom to lose our jobs; no one – not the lily-livered Democrats in Congress, not the simpering Supreme Court — can take that freedom away from us, not as long as I’m the Head Guy.
I love to talk about freedom, and you just know that when a guy says the word as often as I do, well, I must practically, you know, like, be freedom itself if it was, you know, a person. That’s why I can say with a straight face that anybody who opposes me, anybody who disagrees with me, anybody who doesn’t think I’m the kind of leader George Washington woulda been if he’da been good at it, well, that person is the enemy of freedom.
That person, or persons, or organizations, or countries, or possibly continents, hates freedom. That’s why it’s so important that y’all just shut up and let me do whatever it is I decide to do about making more freedom. That’s what Iraq is all about; we got to bring the joys of freedom to the Iraqis, whether they want it or not. We got to bring the joys of freedom to the Iranians, we got to bring the joys of freedom to the Afghans, we got to bring the joys of freedom to the Saudis — no, wait, I mean, well, strike that last one, they’re friends.
The point is, folks, that if I say something is about freedom, then by Dick Cheney’s deferred salary from Halliburton, then that’s what it is. And it follows as night follows day that any opposition to me is opposition to — can we say it all together? — freedom! Those Sunnis in Fallujah, those Shiites in Najaf, they just hate freedom, uh, for themselves, for some reason, and that’s why they’re not getting with the program! But we’re gonna shove the joys of freedom right down their throats and make them be free to have the government and the leadership and the flag and the constitution and the infrastructure that we give them, so long as they don’t do something stupid like vote for somebody we don’t like or get greedy about the price of oil.
Y’see, folks, that’s one of the other joys of freedom: it’s different things to different people. Now, the one freedom that isn’t really freedom is the freedom to decide to reject the freedom that’s being handed to you by a heavily-armed foreigner in camouflage gear because I love freedom and I want everybody to have freedom and I’m a freedom kinda … – stop me if you’ve heard this. That’s unacceptable. So it’s my job as head leading chief executive liberator of the world (that President gig was just a steppingstone) to root out and eliminate all those who hate freedom or don’t want it or don’t understand it or are just being ornery, and that includes all those who doubt my leadership that I’m leading when I lead as a leader.
This might take a while — hope y’all brought money.
