I know it is spring because suddenly I have absolutely nothing
to wear. Oh, it’s not because I lost my clothes or that I’ve gained
weight over the holidays and can’t fit into them or anything like
that. It’s because that in one day, in ONE DAY, almost everything
in my closet has become pass
é.
I know it is spring because suddenly I have absolutely nothing to wear. Oh, it’s not because I lost my clothes or that I’ve gained weight over the holidays and can’t fit into them or anything like that. It’s because that in one day, in ONE DAY, almost everything in my closet has become passé. All of the snow boots, turtle neck sweaters and knitted hats that looked so trendy way back in wintertime now suddenly look utterly ridiculous. In fact, I can’t even imagine ever wanting to go out in public wearing such things.
This is because spring brings up all sorts of fashion issues. Like, finding an outfit to wear that doesn’t make you look like a fool. This isn’t as easy as you may think since springtime weather, mind you, is fickle.
Now, let me just stop right here a minute and say that deep down I know that there are much more important things to worry about in this life than finding a seasonally appropriate outfit. For instance: achieving world peace, fighting hunger and finding a cure for cancer. However, try telling that to someone who’s caught in a sudden hailstorm wearing a sleeveless, flowered sundress and sandals. Go on, try it.
That said, I know that there are some of you out there (and you know who you are) who have no idea what I’m talking about because you’re always dressed in exactly the right thing at the right time no-matter-what-the-season-is. But the rest of us are doomed to look ridiculous at least one time between March and June. Mainly because the number one rule of spring is that the weather changes fifteen bazillion times, and it never, ever stays the same as what it was when you got dressed that morning.
Of course, you could do what my practical friend Stacy does. She makes her whole family dress in layers: light cotton shirts and sweaters and windbreakers and rain jackets and on and on. One particularly fickle day in March, her whole family left the house wearing 11 items of clothing at once. Mind you, they couldn’t bend to tie their shoes or walk fast or even breathe very well for that matter, but you have to hand it to her, they were dressed appropriately the entire day.
Then there’s always the bizarre all-in-one vacation suit, which my friend Barb bought at one of those special, invitation-only, clothing home shows. It’s not really a suit, but more of a sundress that can be converted into a skirt, bathing suit, evening gown, beach wrap, suit blouse, a parka and, I think, a throw rug and hand towel set. And, as an extra-added bonus, it’s all stuffed inside a duffel bag that turns into a matching raincoat.
Practical? Sure. But what happens when you zip what you should’ve snapped and somehow get a bikini instead of a parka? Or when you put your leg through a hole that’s really the neck of an evening gown? Or you accidentally pull the wrong string and both arms become tied behind your back like you’re wearing some kind of spandex straight jacket?
Me, I think the only safe and easy way to be sure you’re wearing the right thing is to outsmart spring. Each morning I get dressed in my lightest cotton dress and open the front door and say loudly, ”It looks like it’s going to be such a nice, sunny day. There’s no rain in sight. No, sir-ree.” Then I quickly run back inside to change clothes and grab my raincoat and umbrella.
OK, some may call this idea bizarre or crazy or just plain weird.
But, hey, sometimes finding the right thing to wear can drive a person to desperate measures.
