We all will suffer the loss of a loved one: parent, friend or
child. This universal experience can be shattering, and it is
sometimes difficult finding help to get through it.
We all will suffer the loss of a loved one: parent, friend or child. This universal experience can be shattering, and it is sometimes difficult finding help to get through it.
A new grief support group has begun in South County. Good Grief meets from 7 to 8 p.m. on the first Monday of each month in the library of Morgan Hill’s Advent Lutheran Church, 16870 Murphy Ave. Although it is using church facilities, the group welcomes members of any religion as well as those who claim no particular faith.
Sessions are extremely informal and generally include only a few participants. They follow this format:
n Candles are lighted to honor loved ones who have passed away. One is for the deceased whose birth anniversaries occur this month. Another is for deceased whose “angel date” (anniversary of death) occur this month. The final one is for any deceased person someone would like remembered.
n The facilitators preview for the group what will be happening during the evening.
n Finally, participants are encouraged to talk about their deceased loved ones. An artificial butterfly is passed around the room, representing the various stages of life: caterpillar, cocoon and butterfly. When holding the model, participants share information about their loved ones: Who was he/she? What happened to this person? What did that person’s life mean to those around him/her?
The goal is to change the grieving person’s attitude, to emphasize “what the loved one was, what they always will be, not what they are not.” People focus upon the blessings their departed loved ones brought to their lives.
Good Grief has two co-facilitators for each session:
n Sherry Quick is a graduate student in Counseling Psychology at Santa Clara University; she has nearly finished her studies for a master’s degree.
n Darlene Day is a leader of Compassionate Friends in Santa Clara, a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. Her son, Bobby, died from cancer seven years ago, and she has experienced firsthand the importance of grief support.
“Grieving takes time,” Day says, “and we need to learn to lean on others while we try to heal from our loss.” At first she didn’t believe people who told her she would “be OK.” But going to Compassionate Friends meetings helped her learn how to deal with the pain of her loss.
She feels that it is important to acknowledge and show feelings. “Crying is good; it washes away the pain in your heart.” Although people are sometimes reluctant to ask about a deceased loved one, “It is good to talk about the person, to bring back memories and feelings.”
Day has attended six international conferences of Compassionate Friends, learning more and becoming increasingly grateful for the group’s support. She is also a volunteer in the Hospice Program at Kaiser’s Santa Teresa Hospital in San Jose.
In addition to the free group sessions, Good Grief provides other support to those who have lost loved ones. Books, articles and videos can be recommended to help in the grieving process.
The next meeting of Good Grief is Monday, July 7, at 7 p.m. Anyone who is experiencing the pain of loss is invited to attend. For more information call (408) 779-3551 or (408) 776-3520.
