Every once in a while a person catches me off guard and suddenly
I find myself doing something I never, ever thought I’d do. It
happens to me a lot. Probably because I can’t say
”
no
”
to anyone. Well, except Harry.
Every once in a while a person catches me off guard and suddenly I find myself doing something I never, ever thought I’d do. It happens to me a lot. Probably because I can’t say “no” to anyone. Well, except Harry. But heck, we’re married. Anyway, this week I’m doing something I really don’t want to do. I’m dog sitting. Now it’s not that I don’t like dogs. I do. But I’m dog sitting my sister’s dog, and I have to tell you, this is not fun.
First of all, he’s neurotic. Seriously. The dog cannot be left alone. Ever. And if you forget and leave him home alone there’s no telling what damage he could do. The dog has been known to eat DOORS. So he and I have become close companions for the few days he is here. Because I like my doors the way they are – intact and hanging in the doorway.
The dog also loves HGTV. Look, I’m as big a fan as the next person – or canine – of HGTV’s shows, but that dog is addicted. He sits around all morning long, watching “Designed to Sell” and “House Hunters.” And if I wait until his eyes get droopy and change to something really interesting like CNN, the dog wakes up and growls at me. I only wish I were kidding.
So I had a talk with him. I told him that it was my TV and we were going to watch what I wanted to watch. And I switched it to CNN – but with the financial meltdown and the dog growling at me and all, I just gave in. You know, he might have a point. Who wants to watch your net worth go down with the Tidy Bowl man when you can watch Lisa LaPorta change the world’s ugliest bathroom into something someone will actually buy?
Unfortunately, after the TV issue, we moved onto to another one. The dog wouldn’t eat. Now maybe it’s because he misses my sister. Or maybe it’s because his food is possibly the nastiest smelling stuff on the planet. Personally, I think it’s the latter. So I did what any other dog sitter would do. I went to the pet store and bought him doggy junk food.
I stocked up on bones, treats and this strange stuff I found called “Frosty Paws.” Now this bills itself as a frozen treat for dogs. And, indeed, you do keep it in the freezer, but I have no idea why. I took a frozen paw, put it in the dog’s bowl and he ignored it. But here’s the weird part. The thing never melted. I swear to you, two hours later it was still sitting in the bowl, shape intact. Can you say “ick?” I can.
After that, I decided nobody should eat dog food – not even a dog. So I resorted to cooking for him. And guess what? I finally found somebody who would eat my food. He appears to love my cooking. Who knew? I can cook. Yes, it’s for a dog – but he appears to be a fairly picky one, so I’m calling this a victory.
Unfortunately, despite his apparent love for my cooking, the dog appears to be a bit irregular. As in, he hasn’t been regular in a couple days and frankly, I’m a bit worried that he will explode in my family room if something doesn’t happen soon. Fortunately, my sister had some advice on how to cure this problem. First, the dog doesn’t think of the backyard as one giant Porta-potty. He needs to be walked. A lot. And it turns out there’s a code word my sis uses, “shee-shee.” I am not kidding. I walked my neighborhood like a crazy woman, clutching empty plastic baggies and whispering “shee-shee” to the dog. I even shouted it a couple of times. And I threw in a couple of “shoo-shoos” and “shy-shies” just to cover all the bases. Alas, for all that effort, I’m left holding the bags. And they’re still empty. All I can do is cover my couch in plastic wrap and hope for the best.
But the good news is, there’s only one day left of the walking and the cooking and the constant begging for him to “shee-shee.” And as a bonus, after all that “shee-shee” talk, saying “no” the next time my sister needs a dog sitter should be easy.
