Hi Red Phone. Does the Dispatch not want us to watch TV anymore?
We don’t get a TV book in our Saturday paper. Will you find out
about it?
Channel change
Hi Red Phone. Does the Dispatch not want us to watch TV anymore? We don’t get a TV book in our Saturday paper. Will you find out about it?
Red Phone:
Dear Wheel Watcher:
Red Phone would like to say the Dispatch pulled the TV listings to encourage you to get off your sunken sofa and work off those extra picnic pounds instead of watching game shows, but that’s not true. The Dispatch will be returning the TV listings to you Friday, and in a big way. In an effort to better serve our readers, Mainstreet Media has combined its resources to present you with a new and improved arts and entertainment guide, Alternate 101. This weekly publication will now be your guide for not only fresh, alternative editorial content, but also your daily television channel listings.
Alternate 101 will provide you with an engaging take on local news and culture, pursue investigations into edgy and unconventional topics, and showcase the area’s artists and musicians through in-depth features and profiles. You’ll receive the new Alternate 101 beginning Friday, when you can read about the upswing of mixed martial arts, a woman charged with toilet paper theft in a courthouse, desperate dating advice and, of course, what time Daniel hands off a major responsibility to “Ugly Betty” on Thursday.
reaching a star
Dear Red Phone:
I am a huge fan of celebrity Paris Hilton. Thank you so much for giving her coverage in the Dispatch. How do I mail a letter to the heiress in jail?
Red Phone:
Dear Lost in Paris:
We’re so happy others besides Red Phone are fans of the heiress. What’s not to love? She’s filthy rich, has a well-honed sense of entitlement and has no regard for the laws the rest of us must live by. She’s our heroine. We did some research and found that our favorite celebutante is all sobered up now, according to her publicists (what are you laughing about?) at the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood. The address there: 11705 South Alameda St., Lynwood, CA 90262. All inmate correspondence should include a booking number after the inmate’s name. Hilton’s booking number is 9818783. Read the Red Phone next week to find out where to buy the perfect Gilroy postcard to send her.
Neighborhood watch
Dear Red Phone:
My new neighbors are absurdly loud at night. Their party lifestyle really doesn’t suit my sleep schedule, and I am very sick of their rudeness. What’s the best way to handle this in the city of Gilroy?
Red Phone:
Dear Quiet:
Red Phone wants to promote healthy community relationships and open lines of communication. Often people don’t know their habits bother others, so they continue them. If your schedules are different, your Saturday morning lawn mowing could be just as irritating to them as their latenight chatter is to you. Your new neighbors may be used to a much different environment than your quiet Gilroy street. Make them aware of your issue, and try to compromise. Perhaps you could get a phone number to call when they’re being too loud, or perhaps you could bang on the ceiling with a broom handle like the cast of “Friends” did with the guy upstairs.
You can opt to call code enforcement or police, but know that could lead to a potentially dysfunctional neighborly relationship. Before you do that try to approach them when you’re not angry and explain that you get up early and would appreciate if they’d tone it down after dark. If that doesn’t work, what’s the address? Red Phone works late answering your calls at night, perhaps it could swing by for some after-work mojitos and “shhhhhhhhh” them.
