In these uncertain and trying economic times, let’s stop for a
moment and talk about financial planning. Oh, don’t worry, I’m not
going to launch into a long diatribe on the state of the economy or
pull out pie charts or toss around fancy financial terms like stock
options, loads, expense ratios and all that.
I’m talking about my new 2006 investment strategy: lottery
tickets.
In these uncertain and trying economic times, let’s stop for a moment and talk about financial planning. Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into a long diatribe on the state of the economy or pull out pie charts or toss around fancy financial terms like stock options, loads, expense ratios and all that.
I’m talking about my new 2006 investment strategy: lottery tickets.
Before you start yelling, I know that this type of investment strategy is what some would call “high risk.” Any fool knows that there are approximately 20 bazillion combinations that five numbers from 1 to 47 can make, and the chances of me picking the exact five numbers is, well, about the same as an asteroid shooting out of the sky and landing on top of my cat. But, hey, stranger things have happened. Besides, SOMEONE has to win, don’t they? So, logically speaking, why not me?
I mean, just last week a woman who lives in a town 70 miles away won a $4-million jackpot. Just 70 miles! That’s practically next door. And she has blond hair, just like me, and lives in a town that started with a D, which is, of course, the first letter of my name. She also found her ticket smashed in the bottom of her purse. I also find all sorts of things smashed in the bottom of my purse. Coincidence? I think not.
But I digress.
For those of you who’ve played before, you know that there are two ways of picking your five numbers: the first is by a random “quick pick,” thus basing your entire financial future on blind luck and the second, choosing the five numbers yourself, also basing your financial future on, well, blind luck.
Like most people with deep-seated control issues, and a lot of free time, I opted for the latter.
And, I admit, as I stood there choosing my numbers, I couldn’t help imagining what I would do with my windfall. First, I’d start a college fund for the kids. Then I’d buy a bigger house. With a pool. And a boat. After that, I’d travel to Europe. And hire a personal trainer. And then donate money to the public schools and the library and build soup kitchens for the hungry and shelters for homeless cats.
However, when I looked at the numbers I had picked 3, 8, 10, 11, 20, 22 (all milestone dates in my life), I had a feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong. Then it hit me: they clearly weren’t WINNERS.
I mean, come on, everyone knows that 8 hardly ever comes up so I erased it and put 33, the amount of hours I was in labor with my daughter.
But then that left me with 11, 22, 33. Somehow that didn’t seem very likely either, so I changed our anniversary (11) with the age of our cat (3). Then I changed my husband’s birthday date (20) to 7, my jean size before children. That number HAS to be lucky.
That left me with 33, 3, 7, 22, 10. A definite winning combination.
Except, that is, for the fact that none of those numbers rolled out of the ball machine that week. Or the week after that. Don’t ask me how this could happen. I mean, who would ever think numbers like 5 or 12 or 32 would be winners? Numbers that, mind you, mean absolutely NOTHING.
But, hey, this is merely a minor setback in my overall plan. Oh, OK. I know that, even in this economic climate, only a fool would base their whole financial future on five random numbers.
That’s why I did what any savvy financier would do: I’ve supplemented my financial strategy with a few other monetary investments. Like, for instance, a new ceramic piggy bank and a metal detector. That, and I’m doing a little dabbling in Friday night bingo games. Hey, if that’s not a diversified portfolio, I don’t know what is.
