I really hate New Year’s Resolutions. I never finish them. Oh,
in a good year I may get one or two completed, but most years those
dang resolutions just become next year’s unfinished business. But
the other day I ran across a helpful article that showed me a tried
and true method of getting my resolutions done.
I really hate New Year’s Resolutions. I never finish them. Oh, in a good year I may get one or two completed, but most years those dang resolutions just become next year’s unfinished business. But the other day I ran across a helpful article that showed me a tried and true method of getting my resolutions done. Since I’m probably not alone in having several years’ worth of unfinished resolutions, I thought I’d share them.
1. Be realistic.
Oh, I can so do that. This year my realistic resolutions will be to lose 20 pounds, look 10 years younger and raise a child that never, ever smart talks me. Wait. That last one might not be so realistic since I strongly believe that whole smart-talking thing is probably ingrained in my son. I should probably drop it from my list. So it looks like I only have two good ones, lose 20 pounds and look 10 years younger. Those are doable. Except I hate dieting. And I’m not a big fan of plastic surgery.
OK, my realistic resolution will be … lose weight without trying. That should work. I like this method already.
2. Plan ahead.
I did that. I’m going to lose weight without trying. What kind of planning does that require?
3. Outline your plan.
Apparently, the people who developed this method do not understand that my goal is to lose weight without trying. Therefore, I don’t need a plan or an outline. But if I did have an outline or plan, it would be to drive slowly past the gym and pretend I can’t go in because I can’t find a close enough parking space.
4.Make a pro and con list.
OK, pros of losing weight. I won’t be chubby. Cons … can’t really see any cons. Oh, I know. I won’t have any clothes that fit. No, that’s probably a pro. Well, that list is done. Two pros, no cons. This is really going to be an easy year.
5. Talk about it.
Hello. Isn’t that I’m doing right now?
6. Reward yourself.
Have I mentioned that I love this idea? For every ounce I lose, I will reward myself with a Big Mac. I love this. In fact, I can’t wait to start rewarding myself. You know, I should rush to the drive-thru right now so I can practice rewarding myself. I wouldn’t want to break a resolution just because I didn’t know the number of the Big Mac value meal. And just to prove how serious I am about accomplishing my goal, I will always order my reward meal with a Diet Coke.
7. Track your progress.
OK, this might be an issue. I mean, tracking my progress means I’d have to reveal my actual weight. Frankly, that’s a closely guarded secret that I do not ever reveal. I don’t even know how much I weigh. That’s how secretive my actual weight is. It’s even a secret to me.
8. Don’t beat yourself up.
Sure thing. Although, if I lose an ounce and forget my to eat my Big Mac, I might slap myself around a little so I don’t forget next time.
9. Keep trying.
What? What the heck does that mean? I thought these were surefire ways to keep my resolutions. What the heck is “keep trying” doing in there? It just means that they think I’ll fail. How the heck can I fail? I have a plan. I have an outline. I have a dang reward. I should be melting off the pounds as we speak.
You know, something tells me I was better off not making a resolution at all – no matter how realistic it is. I think I might hit a drive-thru and enjoy a Big Mac while I’m reconsidering my resolution. After all, I have to reward myself just for trying.
