The foul weather we have been experiencing for the past few months has given way to sunny and slightly warmer days. With this change in weather, you see more people increasing their outdoor activity by walking or riding bikes.
Another activity you may see, or smell, with the good weather is grilling. Our need to be outside grilling with family and friends will turn into hosting a barbecue. Hosting or attending a barbecue seems simple enough, but there are a few points of etiquette that some people may not be familiar with.
Although the idea of etiquette has been around for many years, it may seem formal and part of high society. However, people observe etiquette for gatherings as informal as barbecues, too. Although I learned “polite behavior” at a very young age, I wanted to make sure that some of my tips this week were correct. For this, I turned to a variety of Web sites and message boards. The tips I share this week are very basic and partially common sense, as I am not an etiquette expert.
When a host invites guests to a barbecue, many use the telephone or e-mail. This is OK when it is an informal gathering for a few family members and close friends. If hosting a larger gathering, a mailed invitation is more appropriate because it has the time, date and place in writing. When children are invited, make sure the invited parents are aware of their kids’ invitation. A similar idea pertains to guests who are single or those who may be in a relationship. The invitation to these individual may include a guest.
After receiving the invitation, respond within a few days to allow the host to plan accordingly. When responding, there are always a few things to discuss with the host.
If one of the invited guests has a special dietary need or restriction, make sure the host knows about this in advance. This is one of those areas where etiquette can become a little fuzzy, but remember, it is an informal barbecue. When my family hosted a barbecue to celebrate my high school graduation, we were aware that a few of my friends were vegetarian, and we did our best to plan accordingly.
A host wants to accommodate these individuals and may suggest grilling something specific. If the host is uncomfortable with making sure that the guest with the special need is accommodated, the host may invite the guest to bring something that person can eat. I know some vegetarians that do not want their items grilled right next to meat. In this case, offer to grill the vegetarian item first. As a host, it is important to be respectful of the dietary needs of your guests. As a guest, it is important to be respectful of the hosts’ attempt to meet your needs.
When responding to a barbecue invitation, it is always important to ask the host if you may contribute something to the menu. Suggest a salad, side dish or dessert. The host may give you a choice as well. By contributing an item, the host will have less work and enjoy the company of his or her guests. If the host declines the offer, a bottle of wine or fresh flowers as a centerpiece is a nice gift.
I couldn’t write about etiquette without speaking of table manners. In many cases, it is considered rude to pick up most food with your hands. In the case of barbecues, this rule is completely different. It seems strange to eat ribs or corn on the cob with a fork and knife. Some people prefer to hold chicken in their hands, too.
At barbecues, it is fine to handle some of these foods with your hands. Once again, etiquette is a little fuzzy with chicken. My rule of thumb: If the host is picking up the chicken or other foods with hands, follow the lead. Aside from this rule, other table manners still apply.
My final note about barbecue etiquette happens to be one of the most important etiquette phrases: “thank you.” If you hosted the barbecue, make sure you express to your guests you are happy they were able to attend. If you were a guest, make sure you thank the host for inviting you. Some people follow up the next day with a telephone call or a simple hand-written note.
Following these simple barbecue etiquette tips will make your next gathering a success. Remember, you are attending a barbecue to have fun, not to follow strict rules. One other extremely important note: If you drink too much, do not drive.
