There are moms in the world who are supermoms. They have clean
homes. They are so organized that they can find anything at a
moment’s notice
– from their husband’s favorite coffee mug to their child’s
favorite ”Fairly Oddparents” underwear.
There are moms in the world who are supermoms. They have clean homes. They are so organized that they can find anything at a moment’s notice – from their husband’s favorite coffee mug to their child’s favorite ”Fairly Oddparents” underwear.
Supermoms are actually able to shower, blow-dry their hair, put on makeup and get dressed in an outfit that not only matches; it is also wrinkle-free. And they are able to do this before taking their children to school.
And speaking of Supermom’s kids – well, they have complete wardrobes that are clean AND stain-free. These children behave and use their manners at all times, but especially at the dinner table, where they sit quietly, eat what’s put in front of them and then clear the table without breaking even one dish.
I’m not one of those moms.
In fact, you might call me the anti-Supermom. I spend 90 percent of my time at the dinner table repeating ”your shirt is not a napkin.” I have explained countless times that ice cream is not a vegetable, broccoli is. Ripped shorts are a normal part of Junior’s wardrobe – he even likes them that way.
As for me, I’m not dressed in a matching outfit before Junior goes to school. In fact, I’m still in my pajamas when Harry walks Junior to school. And the makeup thing? Frankly, it’s a good day when I can slap some SPF 45 on my face, let alone sit in front of the mirror and put colored gunk in all the right spots.
So how do these women do it? I have only one child who is gone a good portion of the day. And it’s not like I sit around and do nothing. I run errands, grocery shop and try to figure out how to cook nutritious meals without burning down the kitchen. I clean the bathrooms. Heck, I even do laundry – although stain removal isn’t a skill I posses. And yet, my house always looks like a bomb went off in it.
But there are women out there – with more than one child – who have spotless homes. And un-burnt kitchens. And stain removal techniques I can only wish I had. Where did they learn it? Was there some super-secret Supermom School of Laundry and Waste Disposal that I never heard of?
I just don’t get it. I’m sure I read all the same books that the Supermoms did. For the first year of mommy-hood, I read every parenting book and mommy guide I could put my hands on. And my mother is a Supermom. You’d think I’d have learned something from her – or at least inherited the Supermom gene.
My mother was always perfectly coiffed and perfectly dressed. She made outfits for my sisters and I that matched with hers. The house was spotless. Dinner was always on the table at 6 p.m. sharp. And it always tasted like real food – it was never slimy, burnt or raw. My mother had a place for everything and everything was always in its place.
But somehow I’m not that type of mom. Somehow I became a mother who doesn’t have a single white T-shirt in my entire closet that does not have some sort of juice stain on it – and I don’t drink juice. And forget matching mommy and kid outfits. I don’t sew and half the time Junior doesn’t want to be seen with me – let alone dress like me.
But I guess that’s okay. I mean, I did just find the missing ”Fairly Oddparents” underwear. But trust me, you don’t want to know where it was.
