As of last week we have a new addition to the family. His name
is Murphy and he’s six pounds and three ounces, 12-inches long, and
keeps us up all night. Now before you start breaking out the,
”
Congratulations! It’s a Boy,
”
balloons, let me add that he is gray, furry and, if not watched
closely, drinks water out of the toilet. Yes, it’s a puppy. A
PUPPY!
As of last week we have a new addition to the family. His name is Murphy and he’s six pounds and three ounces, 12-inches long, and keeps us up all night. Now before you start breaking out the, “Congratulations! It’s a Boy,” balloons, let me add that he is gray, furry and, if not watched closely, drinks water out of the toilet. Yes, it’s a puppy. A PUPPY!
Now some of you may not think it’s such a big deal. But, you see, up until last month we’ve been Official Cat People. We always have hordes of them milling around the house and laying around in the potted plants. But for some mysterious reason I’ll call guilt, we crossed over the domestic animal kingdom line into Dog Territory.
So now we have a puppy. But not just any puppy, mind you. One with a pedigree. Yes, I said pedigree. OK, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How does something like this happen to a family that leaves their Christmas lights up all year and thinks macaroni and cheese with tuna is a fancy meal?” Well, I’d like to say it was a very calculated and practical decision that we weighed carefully factoring in time, money, attention, lifestyle, and mental stability, etc. But you should know me much better than that by now.
The real story is that last week my son said something over breakfast that sounded like: “Hey, can we get a dog?” Harmless? Ha! Ha!
So, like any guilt-ridden parents, I mean, conscientious animal lovers, we went to the city pound to adopt a nice stray mutt who needed a good home. There was one particular drawback to this plan, however: the pound was closed. So then (and this is when the tide began to turn), we decided to “just look” down the street at a place that should just call themselves the Very Expensive Pet Store.
Now those of you seasoned shoppers know that to “just look” is secret code for going to a boutique and ending up spending more money than you ever thought possible for pair of really cute shoes you really didn’t need, but couldn’t resist. Which is exactly what happened here.
Approximately one hour and five bazillion dollars later we ended up with – wait for it – a purebred miniature Schnauzer. The shoe equivalent of anything made by Fendi. Which means we not only overpaid, we now have a dog that’s way too over-qualified to live with us.
Now don’t worry, I’m not saying that we’re not good pet owners. I’m just saying that we’re not what anyone would call show dog material. We’re the type of people who get their pets by herding them into the house after they wandered in the backyard by mistake. So you see why this sort of pressure could be alarming.
But let me just say that, besides all of the stress, I’ve learned a thing or two in these last weeks about owning a dog. I learned that there are tons of high fashion accessories you can buy for a dog like, say, fancy bandanas, custom visor caps and crystal hairclips. I learned that there is an actual product out there called (and I’m not kidding) a Dooty-Duffel, which is a special bag to take along on walks to pick up – well, you can figure it out. And I learned that it doesn’t matter how much money you spend on a purebred dog, it pretty much acts just like the free ones you get at the pound. It still chews on the sofa, nibbles on the carpet and snacks on everyone’s tennis shoes.
So after replacing the furniture, repairing the carpet, buying new shoes, and building an $800 fence around the pool so it won’t fall in and drown, our dog expense tally comes to the exact same amount of money it takes to run, oh let’s see, France.
Oh sure, in some circles I’d be called a dog aficionado. In other circles, “sucker.” Whatever. But I’m not bitter. Murphy is already a part of our family, and the kids love him.
And, hey, isn’t that what owning a dog is all about?
