The other day, I read a disturbing ad. It showed a washer and
dryer. No, that’s not the disturbing part. The ad said that they
talked to each other.
The other day, I read a disturbing ad. It showed a washer and dryer. No, that’s not the disturbing part. The ad said that they talked to each other.
That’s the disturbing part.
A washer and dryer that talk to each other is just plain scary. First of all, it’s never a good plan to have your appliances communicate. Sure, it sounds like a good idea. In the beginning, they probably discuss brand names, repair history, whether they prefer bleach or Oxyclean, that sort of thing. But after awhile, the washer and dryer become friends – and that’s when the real horror starts.
Because once they become friends, they confide in each other. And maybe one day, the washing machine feels a little low. So she makes a few complaints. Perhaps she’s upset that the timer goes off and nobody comes to unload her right away. Then she may whine about stain removal and why I never use the pre-treat cycle – and she might suggest that I don’t even KNOW how to use it. Or maybe she’s miffed that I always stuff every towel in the house into one load and blame her if the door won’t stay closed.
And the dryer? Well, the dryer gets in on the act by complaining about the BANG BANG of the tennis shoes flopping around his drum. Gives him a whopping drum ache. And he’s probably not thrilled with the little dryer sheets – maybe he’s allergic to the spring rain scent or the lemon fresh sheets make him itch.
And the worst is yet to come.
Because you know that once the washer and dryer learn to communicate – the rest of the appliances will, too. I don’t want this to happen. I have secrets to keep from those appliances. What if the seldom-used food processor found out about the much-used mini chopper? Would the food processor demand equal chopping time? Would I have to store the mini chopper in the laundry room so it could escape the jealous wrath and extra sharp blades of the food processor?
And what if the lettuce spinner talks to the refrigerator and finds out about the pre-washed salad in a bag sitting in the crisper drawer? And how devastated will the garage freezer be when it finds out that the kitchen freezer is younger, cleaner and frost-free?
It would be anarchy.
All my appliances would be out of control. My curling irons would probably scream to the blow dryer, “she blames us for that hair of hers!” And my blow dryer would probably strike for better conditions once it finds out it’s the most used appliance I own. Not only does it dry my hair each morning – but every six months it defrosts the garage freezer too.
And what about the vacuum cleaner? Its job sucks. It’s blamed for every chip of paint in this house. Every piece of furniture that is scraped, dented or otherwise mangled is blamed on the poor vacuum cleaner. It probably needs intense therapy to get over the pain.
And heaven help me if the computer got in on the act. It knows all my secrets. What if it told the other appliances about my Web surfing habits?
And one day, I’d come home to an empty house. No blow dryer. No blender. Just the furniture, a mop and me. And the appliances? Well, they’d have hijacked a moving van and escaped to Aruba, where all they have to worry about is sand in the lint traps.
Trust me. Having the washer and dryer talk to each other is a very bad thing.
