Last year, more than half of all the murders committed in the United States involved people who knew each other. More than 6 million wives were beaten by their husbands, and 10 million children were beaten by their parents. It makes us feel better to think that people who do these sorts of things are monsters, but the truth is, they’re not; they’re just people who can’t control their anger.
Do you sometimes let your anger get the best of you? Most of us do, and even if it doesn’t manifest itself in physical violence, it can take an enormous toll, often by damaging our relationships with those we love the most.
The Bible, in describing what love is and is not, says, “Love is not easily angered …” (1 Corinthians 13:5). We notice in this statement that God is not saying love never gets angry (there are situations that warrant anger). Instead, he saying that love is not easily angered. Unfortunately, our anger is usually misdirected. Is there a way we can start controlling our anger instead of allowing it to control us? Consider God’s three-step anger-management program:
First, take personal responsibility for your anger. Quit making excuses to justify your bad temper (“it’s just the way I am …”); quit thinking that your temper is beyond your control. The Bible tells us, “It is better to be slow tempered than famous; it’s better to have self-control than control an army” (Proverbs 29:22). Our temper is under our control.
Not convinced? Well, have you ever been fighting with your mate or kids or a friend, your voice raised in anger in the heat of the battle, when all of a sudden the phone rings, and you answer it with a calm and collected, “Hello.” What happened? Why did you change? Because you wanted to.
The fact is that anger is a choice. Events do not make us angry; we make ourselves angry. And if you ever want to get control of your anger, you must first resolve to quit blaming others and take personal responsibility for it.
Then take step two: Realize the cost of getting angry. This will motivate you to control it. The Bible says there’s always a price tag for losing your temper. How many of the following observations from the Book of Proverbs do you agree with: “A hot-tempered person gets into all kinds of trouble” (29:22); “Hot tempers cause arguments” (15:18); “Anger causes mistakes” (14:29); “People with hot tempers do foolish things” (14:17).
Proverbs 11:29 is played out in homes across our nation every day: “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.” Here’s the bottom line: Whenever you lose your temper, you lose. It can cause you to lose your mate, your job, your friends, your reputation and everything else you value. Realizing the cost of not controlling your anger can be a great motivator.
The third step in God’s anger-management plan is to reflect on the situation before reacting to it. Don’t respond impulsively. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A stupid person gives free rein to anger; the wise waits and let it grow cool.” Give yourself time to get composed. Ever notice that when you’re angry, your mouth runs faster than your mind? Few realize that a sharp tongue is quickest way cut to cut your throat. Proverbs 13:16 says, “Sensible people always think before they act …”
The key word in anger management is “think.” You must learn to think before you act. How many times have you instantly reacted to someone in anger, only to find yourself a few minutes later regretting it? Always give yourself a cooling off time to reflect on why you are angry (more on that next week) and how best to respond to the cause of your anger.
