We all think of our mothers as Mother’s Day approaches, but what
about all the women who aren’t mothers? There are many qualities we
appreciate in our moms, but those qualities are not exclusive to
women who give birth.
” … Too soon, too sudden, the wrenching apart, that woman’s heartbeat heard ever after from a distance, the loss of that ground-note echoing whenever we are happy, or in despair.” – from Transcendental Etude, by Adrienne Rich
We all think of our mothers as Mother’s Day approaches, but what about all the women who aren’t mothers? There are many qualities we appreciate in our moms, but those qualities are not exclusive to women who give birth. My friend Esperanza expressed them all, despite never marrying or having children of her own.
“En el nombre vaya Dios,” Esperanza Perez prayed in Spanish as she climbed into my car. “Blood of Jesus cover us,” she prayed in English as we began our journey. She was traveling with me to a weekend women’s conference. “I’m bilingual,” she explains, “So I pray in both. Now we’re covered.”
Esperanza lived on a small pension she received after working for 33 years at the tomato cannery that once stood in downtown Gilroy by the railroad tracks. “It’s a car lot now,” she told me, a little sadly.
She lived in a small apartment on Church Street, close enough for her to walk to the nearby ESL (English as a Second Language) program where she helped out in the classroom for many years. With careful budgeting, her pension – combined with social security and whatever she could make as a teacher’s aide – enabled her to live independently.
She saw herself as nothing but very fortunate, thanking God everyday for how much she had. “It helps me by helping them,” she said of her work as an aide, first with ESL students and more recently with music students in Gilroy ‘s elementary schools. She was thrilled when she was able to help a student grasp the difference between “of” and “off” by explaining, “‘Off’ is when you shut something, like the lights,” but ‘of’ is ‘United States of America.’ ” When she was written up in the newspaper for her work as a teacher’s aide, the first thing Esperanza did was to use it as yet another tool to capture students’ attention by having them practice reading it out loud in class.
Esperanza often spoke of her love for her 11-year-old niece Alodia, whom she cared for every weekend when Alodia was a small child. At age 77, Esperanza was still attending women’s conferences in order to take classes that specialized in how to teach young people more effectively. Esperanza spoke of how much she wanted to learn more about how she could be a positive influence in Alodia’s life.
Esperanza always encouraged me to keep learning and to keep improving myself. Embodying the meaning of her name (“hope” in Spanish), she believed it was never too late. When I talked about how hard it was to lose weight, she got me a free pass to try her gym.
Esperanza’s love was always inclusive, her enthusiasm contagious; she accepted everyone, no matter what their size, color, background, or language. Her pastor, Rev. Berry, said, “She helped create a community of hospitality. I doubt there was a church in Gilroy that she had not attended.”
Although she didn’t drive, she had a very busy social schedule and could rarely be found at home. She was elected to the 2006-08 San Jose District Board of United Methodist Women and was excited to be working with them on mission projects to benefit victims of natural disasters such as Hurricane Katrina, and assisting abused and homeless women. No matter how little she had, she always found a way to share by helping others in whatever way she could. “I feel better when I do things to help other people,” she told me.
Before Esperanza passed unexpectedly last weekend on one of her favorite holidays, Cinco de Mayo, she had continued to teach, give advice, nurture, love, accept, invite, pray for, and encourage others to the last day of her life. Esperanza was a mom to us all.
You are invited to celebrate Esperanza’s life the day before Mother’s Day at Habing’s Family Funeral Home at 10am Saturday, with a reception afterwards at the Methodist Church next door.
