My stepson has been the most difficult transition in this
blended family, difficult for him and for us.
My stepson has been the most difficult transition in this blended family, difficult for him and for us. We just realized he is on the autism spectrum. I was pleased to see the article last week on autism, and our own school system, because we are still in the midst of finding answers, programs and some help.
If you have read some of my early columns, you might remember one in which I explained how difficult it has been converting from raising one neat, articulate little girl, to two girls and one little boy with some serious academic deficiencies.
Well here we are, four years later and still struggling with the boy. When he first came to live with us, he had just finished kindergarten and was recommended for special ed. We opted not to send him because we thought he had a hearing problem and we also believed he had regressed because of the divorce of his parents. He was (and still is) very immature. We thought in the “right environment” he would bounce right back. We thought cleaning his ears and treating him for allergies would enhance his hearing and attention span. We thought his odd behaviors and “meltdowns” were all part of his separation anxiety from his mother. At the end of this school year (4th grade) we got his report card. He excels in math but cannot focus, his reading and language needs a lot of work.
At the end of this year I came to his classroom to assist with a craft project. I suddenly realized I had not seen my son. I found him under a table, between pushed in chairs. I took an exasperated breath ready to release evacuation instructions with a “tone” and before the words came out I realized he was cowering, not just fooling around. He was disengaged and confused. I suddenly saw the past four years flash before me and I knew something was terribly wrong. Every odd habit and quirk suddenly made sense. He was over stimulated and could not process what was happening.
This realization answers so many questions about this boy. Why he never has matured socially, why he doesn’t understand personal space and why he can’t tell a story with a timeline and details. Why he can’t reciprocate a reasonable conversation most of the time. He doesn’t understand how to choose his clothes according to the weather. He repeats nonsensical noises and sentences to himself. He’s 10! I’ve been questioning these things for a long time now and everyone has been telling me the same thing, “boys are different than girls.” But now there was no denying a very real problem hiding under the table.
Until that moment I had never considered autism or what it means to the parent or the affected child. It makes me wonder with remorse how many times I saw a child in the store acting horribly and I assumed the parent was a lousy one and that the child needed discipline. I simply didn’t know about autism and I will never make that assumption again.
