MEMO TO: S. Claus, CEO, Naughty
&
amp; Nice, Inc.
FROM: Cupid, CEO, Love Machine, Ltd.
SUBJECT: Confirmation of Merger
This memo confirms that Love Machine, Ltd., has submitted an
offer of merger to Naughty
&
amp; Nice, Inc.
MEMO TO: S. Claus, CEO, Naughty & Nice, Inc.
FROM: Cupid, CEO, Love Machine, Ltd.
SUBJECT: Confirmation of Merger
This memo confirms that Love Machine, Ltd., has submitted an offer of merger to Naughty & Nice, Inc. We believe that by acquiring Naughty & Nice, Inc., we at Love Machine, Ltd., can work with your staff to create a holiday that successfully implements the best of Valentine’s Day and Christmas.
As you know, we at Love Machine, Ltd., are very familiar with the concept of one-day, gift-giving holidays. While our presents are usually limited to diamond rings, power tools and arrows shot directly into the recipient’s posterior with one of our Love Potions, we find that expanding to include many of your toys and games would give us a broader reach next February 14.
This merger will enable us to target the younger set, including teenagers with their apparently unlimited buying power and unquenchable thirst for our best-selling product, Love Potion No. 15, a limited-edition, short-term love potion with no side effects. In addition, your highly efficient network of flying reindeer will allow us to deliver the diamond rings, power tools and butt shots via your established chimney system. We can then eliminate our highly inefficient method of delivery, which currently consists of a flying man in a diaper.
MEMO TO: Cupid, CEO Love Machine, Ltd.
FROM: Santa Claus, CEO Naughty & Nice, Inc.
SUBJECT: Merger
The elves and I have talked, and we reject your offer unconditionally. Good luck with the diaper thing.
MEMO TO: S. Claus, CEO, Naughty & Nice, Inc.
FROM: Cupid, CEO, Love Machine, Ltd.
SUBJECT: Merger
We at Love Machine, Ltd. are afraid you don’t understand. We will buy you out – and your little elves too. And once we are done, we’ll be the ones hopping on the sleigh to deliver Barbies and Game Boys to all the brats of the world. Not to mention the overstock on Love Potion No. 15 that we’ll be spreading around.
MEMO TO: Cupid, CEO Love Machine, Ltd.
FROM: Santa Claus, CEO Naughty & Nice, Inc.
SUBJECT: Merger
Are you insane? Don’t make me call in Mother Nature to give you a timeout.
MEMO TO: S. Claus, CEO, Naughty & Nice, Inc.
FROM: Cupid, CEO, Love Machine, Ltd.
SUBJECT: Merger
Yeah. Like she could do anything. Your days are numbered, Santa. I’m gonna get the sleigh, the reindeer and that stupid naughty list you put me on year after year. And I’m gonna get rid of all that Love Potion No. 15 and cause havoc all over the world!
MEMO TO: S. Claus, E. Bunny, T. Fairy, F. Time, B. New Year, et al.
FROM: Mother Nature
SUBJECT: Merger
Due to an unlimited stint in my timeout chair, Valentine’s Day will be cancelled this year. Christmas, however, will proceed as planned. I have word from the head elf, Wilber, that the sleigh is fully stocked with presents for the nice and the not-so-naughty.
PS. I have several bottles of Love Potion No. 15 available. Please see Father Time before December 31st for your free sample.
