Like snowflakes and cornflakes, no father is completely alike.
They all have a lot of different identities. There are fun dads and
serious dads, strict dads, and
anything-goes-as-long-as-you-don’t-toss-the-the-cat-down-the-laundry
chute sort of dads. And so it goes, on and on.
Like snowflakes and cornflakes, no father is completely alike. They all have a lot of different identities. There are fun dads and serious dads, strict dads, and anything-goes-as-long-as-you-don’t-toss-the-the-cat-down-the-laundry chute sort of dads. And so it goes, on and on. Regardless of which kind of dad you have, here is a list of things most dads have in common. Let’s see if you agree.
The Average Dad…
… goes grocery shopping at convenience stores because it’s “faster” than standing in line at the super market.
… kills spiders.
… puts worms, dragonflies, grasshoppers or anything else that falls into the category of “really gross stuff that’s still alive” onto fishing hooks.
… spits.
… turns kids upside down so they can walk on the ceiling as well as the good sofa.
… manages to fit all of the dirty clothes, no matter how many there are, into the washing machine at the same time.
… reuses the bath water for the second child.
… says things like, “When I say no, I mean no. Why? Because, that’s why.” And, “We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.”
… has tried passing off scrambled eggs over Twinkies as a healthy breakfast.
… can assemble a bike in less than 10 minutes with nothing but a wrench and a butter knife.
… thinks that Dr. Spock is a Vulcan who lives on the starship Enterprise.
… goes camping in places without running water or a Starbucks.
… refuses to buy whimsical lawn ornaments in the shapes of frogs, elves or any kind of a chicken.
… can carry at least five lawn chairs on one arm.
… tries to raise kids without making the same mistakes his father had made, who had tried to raise kids without making the same mistakes his father had made.
… thinks hooking up the baby monitors to the stereo system is a cheap way to install surround sound.
… sorts socks by texture.
… thinks the changing table could be put to better use as, say, a nice drink table or a TV stand.
… considers changing one, slightly damp, diaper sometime back in the fall of 1993 as “equal parenting.”
… uses the industrial vacuum cleaner to pick up stray Legos and Barbie shoes off the floor.
… will not go shoe shopping.
… sneaks into the baby’s room at night and says, “da da da da da da,” over and over and over so they can be sure that the baby will say his name first.
… pets stray dogs.
… is able to teach kids how to drive without the use of heavy pharmaceuticals.
… will always, ALWAYS be portrayed in your child’s artwork as handsome, tall, and golden while you look like a scowling toad.
… will put toast on his head just to get a laugh.
… is always found first in a game of hide and seek.
… thinks that his little daughter’s red, glittery shoes go fine with a flowery bathing suit and a snow hat.
… knows never to say that anyone in the house is, was, or might one day be, fat.
… can change the oil in the car, install a sprinkler system, and rewire the entire house, but can’t brush a kid’s hair.
… teaches kids how to play Jingle Bells with their armpit.
… knows the difference between noogies and wedgies.
… thinks that moms worry too much.
… never thinks of himself as average.
