And verily, lo, and some other stuff did it come to pass in the
land beyond the land of milk and honey, the land of imported Brie
and high-end zinfandel, that the people did throw down their old
ruler verily into the dust of the lecture circuit and Saturday
Night Live, and they did set a new ruler above them, one with much
bigger muscles and an accent ya gotta love.
And verily, lo, and some other stuff did it come to pass in the land beyond the land of milk and honey, the land of imported Brie and high-end zinfandel, that the people did throw down their old ruler verily into the dust of the lecture circuit and Saturday Night Live, and they did set a new ruler above them, one with much bigger muscles and an accent ya gotta love.
And yea, did the new ruler enter upon the throne with a toothsome smile and a cigar larger than many of his subjects, and he did loudly proclaim that he would shaketh things up like no one before, that fresh ideas flowed from his head as from a mighty river, and that he would accept no tribute from the tribe of special interests that lo, did forever lurk about the throne seeking to change money into favors.
And when it came to pass that his brilliant idea to save the land from foreclosure was to be revealed, he saith with a mighty voice unto the cameras, ”Let the strong borrow the money from the weak, the old from the young, the profligate from the innocent, yea, and let the children pay it back at a later time, perhaps by borrowing it from their children, and so on unto the generations until Judgment Day, when hopefully the interest rates will be lower; you never know, it could happen.”
And the people did cry out, ”Thou hast saved us from financial responsibility for our sins; blessed be thy name that is hard to pronounce. But what about the special interests? Hast thou smitten and slain and cast down and driven out and, you know, like that?” And he to whom an 88-millimeter howitzer is but a handgun answered, ”Well, yes and no. For verily, in my brief time upon the throne have I had a revelation, that the axle around which all things turn is the technicalities, and that the key to power lies in their creation. Now, that could technically be considered two revelations, depending on how you look at it — see? I’m already becoming quite good at this.
”And therefore have I decreed an arbitrary date before which special interest money is one thing, and after that date it is another. And lo, by this device have I in my wisdom acquired and kept much special interest money from the workers‚ compensation insurers whose very lives and fortunes I just happen to hold in my hands right at the moment.’
”But fear not, for I am with you, the common people with whom I have so very much in common except for my looks and my career and my wife and her family and my wealth and my houses and my friends and my…. well, letteth us not put too fine a point on it, for ye all know I am one of you, and will struggle mightily to perform the tasks of my office in the new and different ways that inspired you to ditch the last guy in favor of me. And verily do I pledge that I will not take special interest money that I don’t need or want or can’t get away with taking, at least until I get better at this technicalities thing.”
And lo, did the people hear in their minds the faint whisper of prophesy from Saint Peter of Townsend, patriarch and lead guitar of the ancient Who tribe, which sanctified and anointed his true wisdom when he saith long ago, ”Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.”
