Cell phones have made it possible for man to boldly go where no
man has gone before – shopping; whether they want to or not.
Cell phones have made it possible for man to boldly go where no man has gone before – shopping; whether they want to or not.
Although, being in possession of a cell phone means no man is truly alone, he can call his wife. The following are three scenarios of man shopping with his cell phone.
Scene one: His voice is filled with irritation and a look of confusion masks his face as he paces up and down the feminine hygiene aisle, talking on his cell phone.
“No, I did not know you used the same brand every month. How could I not know that. Well I’m not the one who shops for this stuff, you do.” “Well, yes, I should have realized your monthly time was approaching. The hair dryer you threw at me this morning may have been a clue.”
“No, I’m not saying it was your fault. I’m saying you tend to get irrational and overreact to things during certain times of the month.”
“By the way, did the doctor ever phone in your tranquilizer medication?”
“He did? Good. I’ll run to the pharmacy and pick it up. You can take a pill as soon as I get home.”
“No, dear, I did not mean to insinuate you are a pill, I said you can take a pill.”
“Now, can we please get on with this so I can get out of here. Tell me, do you need pantyliners or overnight pads, pads with or without wings … I wish you were here to handle this.”
Scene one shows that with a cell phone man can shop and fight with his wife simultaneously.
Scene two: Same man, same day, shopping for a shirt, looking at the racks of clothes. “Hi, one shirt is on sale and one isn’t. I’m not sure I like the shirt that’s on sale. Well, one is blue, the other is green.”
“What do you mean I don’t like green?”
“Oh, you don’t like green, is that why I don’t have anything green? I never knew you hated green.”
“Let’s see, one shirt has stripes and the other has buttons down the front.”
“What do you mean all stripes make me look fat? I’ll have you know I’ve lost weight since I started working out. Maybe you should exercise with me.”
“No, I’m not saying you’re fat. I’m saying we should work out together. Can we talk about this later; right now I just need to buy a shirt.”
“Why should it match my checkered tie, where am I going that I need to wear a tie?”
“Oh, we’re going to a fancy restaurant for your birthday, thanks for telling me.”
“I wish you were here to handle this.”
Scene two shows that with a cell phone, a man can shop, fight with wife and learn something new.
Scene three: Same man shopping for lingerie for wife’s birthday gift.
“Hi, it’s me again. I wanted to surprise you with some lingerie only I have no idea what size you are.”
“What size do I think you are? Oh, no, I’m not gonna fall into that trap twice.”
“There’s a pretty green nightgown, just kidding, now don’t start yelling.”
“There’s a little black teddy, but I don’t know if it’s your size.”
“I should find someone about your height and hold it up to her?”
“The salesgirl seems to be your height; I’ll go ask her. Man, is she pretty.”
“What? What did I say? I didn’t say anything, now you’re hearing things.”
“You think I should ask her to try it on, to see what it will look like.”
“No, don’t come here, stay home, I can handle this myself, gotta go now, bye.”
Scene three shows that man should not shop. If man must shop, he must leave cell phone at home.
Cindy Argiento lives in Greensboro with her husband and three children. She can be contacted at 454-7757 or via e-mail at ca*******@*ol.comtext
