By Damon Poeter
They’re a breed apart, those courageous souls who blithely stand
up in front of a room of strangers, grasp the microphone easily
and
… sing. Yes, karaoke singers aren’t like you or me.
Well, you anyway. I happen to be a highly accomplished belter of
canned tunes in bars and lounges.
By Damon Poeter
They’re a breed apart, those courageous souls who blithely stand up in front of a room of strangers, grasp the microphone easily and … sing. Yes, karaoke singers aren’t like you or me.
Well, you anyway. I happen to be a highly accomplished belter of canned tunes in bars and lounges. Which is to say, the microphone was forced upon me during the course of researching this story. There I was at the Gilroy Bowl lounge, palms sweating, praying that my voice wouldn’t crack, wishing I’d fortified myself with another beer, repeating like a mantra in my head, “Don’t attempt the high notes … Don’t attempt the high notes …”
The gentleman on the stool next to me had just finished a polished and soulful rendition of “Desperado” by the Eagles. The Dude’s famous line in “The Big Lebowski” – “Man, I hate the f–ing Eagles!” – popped unbidden into my skull, threatening whatever composure I had mustered. A bad state of affairs when the evil little words on the TV screen are telling you in no uncertain terms it’s time to start singing them, like a cheesy portent of doom written on a polyster sky.
And this was a quiet night. Just five or six people in the bar on a Wednesday. A few weeks earlier, I’d sat rooted at a little corner table at the same lounge on a Saturday night. The place was hopping – at least 30 people, most of them professional-grade karaoke singers. Guys would jump up and unleash doo-wop vocals more polished than the original, only to be topped by another dude with pipes of gold murmering “Let’s Get It On” so silkily you could close your eyes and imagine Marvin Gaye was in the room.
Of course, in between the pros, a gaggle of drunk women had screeched their way through “Love Shack” as the room collectively winced for three minutes and 30 seconds. That was the comforting memory I wanted as I stood waiting to butcher my own hastily selected tune. That and the recollection that the ladies had received polite applause – no whistles and whoops, but no catcalls and rotten tomatoes either.
The art of performance
Al Rozal runs karaoke night at the Gilroy Bowl lounge on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. More importantly, he’s Elvis. The key to giving consistently excellent and entertaining performances at a karaoke bar is deciding who you are. The King, Marvin, Patsy Cline, Frankie, Aretha, Robert Plant, whoever. Nobody wants to hear your “original” stuff on karaoke night. There’s no a capella in karaoke.
Elvis is a good singer to be. Maybe even the most popular amongst karaoke enthusiasts, whatever their background. For one thing, he’s performance art, a guaranteed shot of adrenaline to our cultural id. For another, the backing tracks to Elvis songs are the originals. As Al notes, due to recording rights, sometimes karaoke song manufaturers have to re-do the backing track for a song. “It might not sound anything like what you’re expecting,” he says.
Al and Junior Diaz, who deejays karaoke nights at Gilroy’s Krazy Koyote, invest a lot of time and money to acquire the best tracks. Diaz swears by the DK Series and Sound Choice, two companies he calls, “the top of the line in the business.”
When a newbie like me picks a song, Al will ask if the singer wants to hear it first – at least on a quiet night when not too many people are waiting to sing. That’s how I dodged the bullet of “Danny Boy,” my first pick, which would have been a disaster of glen-biding, pipes-calling proportions.
Now I’m getting ready to attempt “House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals. I know most of the words. I’m pretty sure I can fake Eric Burdon’s faking of a Delta blues growl; one funk-deficient white boy aping another. One thing’s for sure – I’m only doing this because I’ve gotten to know Al a bit and the other patrons in the bar are friendly, easy going and aren’t likely to laugh out loud at me.
Wild Koyote nights
I’d probably chew off my own arm before taking the mike at a place like the Krazy Koyote. Packed to the rafters on a Thursday night, the Church street bar plays host to a kind of feral karaoke, where young men and women actively compete to do each other one better with their vocal interpretations. It’s a place where you might want to show up with a bit of your own imported fan base; it’s tough to imagine walking in alone and reeling off a song unless you’re a superlative singer and performer.
That’s not to say that the Krazy Koyote is hostile or unforgiving – it’s not at all. Even poor singers get applause, as per karaoke etiquette … but the liquor and cologne drenched scent of competition pervades everything. As the night wears on, older singers of 1960s rock and hillbilly stomps give way to younger folks and younger music until by midnight, karaoke gives way to a deejayed dance party.
Diaz also runs a family karaoke night at Dutchman’s Pizza on Wednesdays. It’s a more mellow vibe – more pepperoni and less dry humping the mike stand. It goes to show that there’s a karaoke night for everyone, from young singles on the loose to middle-aged nostalgia junkies to Mom, Dad and the kids.
There’s a place for singing talent that runs from the very best to the very worst. For folks who’d fit right in on “American Idol.” And, yes, even a place for those for whom melodies and harmonies are as elusive as the specific medical conditions being discussed on commercials for drugs with names like “Evedra” and “Xavacil.”
Suddenly I’m singing. The rush, “like being on a roller coaster,” as Diaz puts it, hits. I’m semi-slurring the words to “House of the Rising Sun” a la Burdon, happy in my own little bubble of karaoke euphoria … “There iz-z-z a House … in New Awleeens … dey call’t the Ri-i-i-ze-un Shun-n-n-n …”
Tips for karaoke newbies
It can be difficut to work up the nerve to strut your stuff at a karaoke bar. But there’s nothing quite so thrilling, in a no-actual-risk-of-bodily-harm sort of way. Al Rozal has some tips for people just starting out on the road to karaoke obsession:
1. When you’re just starting out, go to the karaoke bar on a quiet night. Wednesdays and Thursdays usually have fewer people jockeying for the mike … and scaring the pants off you as you stumble through your first song.
2. Pick a song you know and practice it until you really know it. It’s surprising how many newbies will tackle a song they don’t even know the words or melody to … when there are so many songs they probably do know really well to pick from.
3. Be careful about drinking. A few beers or cocktails can really help you overcome your inhibitions, sure. But too many, and you’ll wake up the next morning wondering if that out-of-control, out-of-tune gyrating buffoon hogging the spotlight last night was – groan – really you.
4. Practice singing. In the shower, in the car, wherever. You can even enroll in a voice class – Gavilan College offers them. If that’s taking things a little too seriously, well, karaoke is a serious business, pal.
5. Except it’s really not serious. Have fun. Other singers, no matter how talented, aren’t judging you as harshly as you think. And if you have a good time and are respectful to other patrons, they’ll only judge you on that. And suddenly, you’ll have lots of new friends. Which is what it’s all about.
Where to go to get groovy
Venues with karaoke nights in Gilroy, Morgan Hill and Hollister:
GILROY
Dutchman’s Pizza
6940 Chestnut St.
“Family Night” on Wednesdays, 6pm to 9pm
Gilroy Bowl
7554 Monterey St.
Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, 9pm to 1am
JR Brewski’s
8080 Santa Theresa Rd.
Fridays, 10pm to 2am
Krazy Koyote Bar & Grill
8337 Church St.
Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays, 9pm to 1am
Oakwood Lounge
7421 Monterey St.
Wednesdays, 9pm to 1.30am
Victoria’s Mexican Restaurant
757 1st St.
Thursdays, 7pm to 10pm
MORGAN HILL
Boxseat Sports Grill
15650 Vineyard Blvd.
Fridays and Saturdays, 10.30 to 2am
Ernie’s Bar & Grill
19140 Monterey Hwy.
Fridays and Saturdays, 8pm to 1am
HOLLISTER
Johnny’s
526 San Benito Rd.
Thursdays, 8.30pm to 12.30am
Ridgemark Golf & Country Club Lounge
3800 Airline Hwy.
Saturdays, 8pm to 12am
Whiskey Creek Saloon
201 5th St.
Saturdays, 9pm to 1am
