Most of us have participated in enough arguments to last us a
lifetime. Unfortunately, there are probably still a few in our
future. Why? Because we are all filled with the primary source of
contention in most arguments: pride, the mother of
self-centeredness.
Most of us have participated in enough arguments to last us a lifetime. Unfortunately, there are probably still a few in our future. Why? Because we are all filled with the primary source of contention in most arguments: pride, the mother of self-centeredness. It persuades us that if there is someone or something we can possess that will make us feel good, we should have it. We deserve it, don’t we? Covetousness may be the 10th of 10 Commandments, but it can cause you to break the other nine to get what you want. And it’s all caused by pride. That’s why the Book of James says, “God opposes the proud” (4:6).
What’s the cure for pride? Its opposite, humility. He says in verse 6, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” And we are told in verse 10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” Sandwiched between these two statements, James gives us three specific actions we can take to defuse conflict with our mate, children, parents, friends and everyone else in our life.
Step one is found in verse 7: “Give yourselves completely to God.” In other words, we must give God control of our lives. This is a critical first step, because until we settle the issue of who is in charge of our life, there is a Civil War going on inside us. James says it this way in verse 1: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” We have conflicts with others because there is conflict inside us, and the real issue is who is in charge of our life. If I am in charge and someone gets in the way of what I want, then I’ll be quick to get upset, but if God is in charge, when someone gets in my way I will follow the counsel of Colossians 3:15 and “let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.” When we have Christ’s peace in our heart, we will be at peace with ourselves and everyone else.
The second step to defusing conflict in our life is also found in verse 7: “Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.” The word translated “resist” is a military term meaning “be ready and watchful; be on the alert.” Let me be plain: Satan wants to destroy your marriage, your friendships and all the other relationships you have. He loves conflict. This is what he’s all about. And the way he is most effective is by playing to our pride… particularly our wounded pride. When you are in the midst of an argument and hear something that hurts you, he subtly whispers in your ear: “You don’t have to take this… who does she think she is talking to? She can’t talk to you like that… Say something mean and shut her up!” Notice, he tells you all the things your wounded pride wants to hear. When you recognize where that temptation is coming from, refuse to play his game.
Then take step three: “Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you” (verse 8). Make a commitment to pray regularly and read your Bible daily; God will draw close. And you will also discover something else: your time with God will have a positive impact on your relationships with others. As you “purify your heart” (verse 8) you will purify your relationships.
What does this kind of lifestyle look like? Paul said it this way in Philippians 2:3-5, “When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others. In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.” When we emulate Jesus by paying more attention to other people’s needs than our own wants, pride is uprooted and peace is planted in its place. And that’s a gardening tip we can all use!
